Coming Home
by Mrnickmiller
Summary: After her breakup Jess heads back to Portland with the gang for her Dad's wedding, where Nick and Jess realise how close they've grown. Will they accept why they couldn't make their other relationships work? Will they accept each other once again?
1. Chapter 1

Nick glanced down at his white knuckles as his hands gripped the the armrests like a vice, completely of their own volition. His back was poker straight against the back of the chair like some had glued an iron rod to his spine. He closed his eyes trying to block out the situation but the unrelenting engine noises assaulted his ears refusing to let him forget that he was thirty thousand feet in the air. Nick wasn't what you would call an accomplished flyer. His trips to and from Chicago always involved several whiskeys and a sleeping pill but it didn't seem appropriate at 10am. A stinging feeling of envy sat heavily within him as he moved his head just enough to take in his friends around him looking more relaxed than ever. Winston's head was buried in his jacket which served as a makeshift pillow as he lay fast asleep against the small oval window. Next to Winston, Coach bopped his head incessantly as he messed with his iPod and tunes from his huge headphones flooded his ears. He could hear Schmidt a few rows down and make out the side of his face as he leaned into the aisle towards the stewardess and grilled her on the airlines apparent substandard wine offering. Through the chink in between the seats he could see Cece on the other side of Schmidt rolling her eyes and stifling a wry smile.

Nick gritted his teeth and pinched his eyes shut as he felt a slight shudder beneath his feet but the harsh sensation was soon contrasted by a warm, soft palm smoothing gently over the back of his hand. He felt his grip on the chair release just a little as he peeled open his eyes and let his head fall in the direction of the aisle. He watched as she lowered herself down on her knees to meet his eyes, her face etched with concern for him.

"Are you ok Nick?"

Nick didn't want to fall into the cliches of manly bravado, he knew she would see right through it but he couldn't help himself. "Oh I'm fine Jess, just uh...just get bored on these things and you know...I'm just tired I guess."

Yep, she had seen right through him as she completely breezed past his response. "You want me to come sit next to you?"

"No Jess it's fine. I'm fine really." His eyes followed her as she rose into a standing position while he talked, once again ignoring his reply. She leaned over him toward the gentleman in the next seat, the side of her breast brushing ever so slightly against his head before coming directly into his line of sight. Suddenly he was fine, his nerves dissipated as his heart started to pound for an entirely different reason. But his daydream was shortlived as he heard Jess politely requesting to switch seats with the man next to him.

"No Jess you don't need to really I'm ok. I am." But it was too late, his protests fell on deaf ears as he watched the man succumb to Jess' big blues, the way all guys did, and click open his seatbelt to vacate the seat. Nick rose out of his chair cautiously, continuing to grip on to the armrest as the man squeezed past him and disappeared a few seats behind while Jess hopped keenly in his place. Nick quickly sat back in his seat and buckled up, pulling the belt tightly, almost too tight, round his waist. He threw Jess a quick smile as he tried to hide his nerves but she wasn't fooled, she knew him too well. He focused his eyes on the seat in front of him but he could feel her stare burning into the side of his face.

"Quit staring at me Jess I'm fine."

"I'm not." She quickly snapped her head away after being rumbled and shifted in her seat to get herself comfortable as she finally clicked her belt into place. She could hear him letting out shaky deep breaths, trying desperately to stifle them behind his hand so she wouldn't hear. She strained her eyes toward him turning her head as little as possible so he wouldn't feel self-conscious. His head dropped back against the headrest as he closed his eyes tightly, his Adam's Apple bobbing up and down as he swallowed hard. She opened her mouth to ask what he needed but as she saw the muscles in his jaw straining she realised she already knew. She looked down at the firm grip of his left hand and then back to his face, without further thought she skimmed her fingertips against the side of of his hand, slowly prising his fingers away from the cool metal. He kept his eyes closed as she threaded her fingers through his but she felt his appreciation as he squeezed her hand tightly in return.

As the warmth and tenderness of her hand soaked into his skin he felt his muscles slowly start to release the tension which had kept him rigid for the last hour of the flight to Oregon. His mind searched out the dim memory of an excited, and slightly tipsy, Ashley inviting them all to the wedding which Bob had agreed to surprisingly keenly. Nick hadn't thought too much of it at the time thinking it was just a polite gesture from Ashley to keep Jess on side, but here he was thousands of feet in the area, only an hour away from the city that had offered Jessica Day to the world. He had never been but he loved the place already.

They'd had a difficult year, it had brought them both to the brink and tested the strength of their relationship on numerous occasions. He had sat back and watched her be with other guys, just as she had watched him date other girls. The kisses had been painfully tolerable, hearing that one another had finally slept with someone else had been gut wrenching but the one that really stung, the real kicker was watching feelings grow for somebody that wasn't him. The idealistic part of him had wanted to believe that she would never have feelings for anyone else again because of what they had shared, but that's all it was, an ideal. He had watched it happen with his own eyes. He could never say anything and he could never do anything about it because the truth was he had put Jess through the same thing.

He had really tried to create something real with Kai, and when the feelings of attraction and affection started grow week by week, he truly believed he stood a chance. But one day those feelings just stopped growing, they got blocked, the wall between like and love had become impenetrable. He had wanted so badly to fall in love with her, to feel with her what he had felt with Jess but it was impossible. It would always be impossible. Of course, he had never told Jess any of that. The same way Jess never offered him any of the details as to why she had ended things with Ryan. However, Nick had heard from a little birdy, a little Schmidt shaped birdy that the 'L' word had been the final stumbling block in Ryan and Jess' relationship. He had said it. She couldn't. The selfish truth was it had helped Nick to sleep a little better at night.

Their inability to progress what had been genuinely healthy relationships with wonderful, loving people was the big fat elephant in the room which Nick and Jess had yet to address, as was their natural gravitation back towards one another when things had fallen apart. Even through all the heartache and the complexities that life had thrown at them they still turned to each other, no matter how messy things got. He gripped her hand tightly as the plane shuddered once more and she stroked her thumb over the back of his hand comfortingly, while ordering them both a whiskey from the passing stewardess. Jess hated whiskey, he knew she was just trying to make him feel better by pretending it was a casual drink between friends rather than an antidote to his nerves.

* * *

><p>Nick felt his whole body sink into relaxation as the wheels of the plane touched down on the tarmac. He exhaled heavily and rubbed his hand harshly over his stubbled cheeks for several moments after the plane ground to a halt. As everyone started to jostle in the aisle trying to retrieve their baggage from the overhead lockers, it was then he noticed how still he and Jess were and how he was still holding her hand. He looked down at their joined hands before snapping his away as embarrassment flooded his face.<p>

"Sorry." He mumbled as he started to fuss with his seatbelt. She moved to rest her hand on his shoulder but he was on his feet in seconds hunting around for their bags. Just as she was starting to feel a tiny niggle of disappointment he handed over her coat with a look of pure sincerity in his eyes.

"Thanks Jess."

"No problem. If we get trapped in the elevator inside the airport you might have to return the favour." She smiled.

His eyes crinkled and he smiled heartily at her joke, their eyes connecting for a few long moments before they heard someone clearing their throat in the aisle behind them, signalling it was time for them to move along. Nick threw Jess' bag over his shoulder along with his own and they trailed down the open plane towards the cool, clean air of Portland. As soon as they hit the terminal Jess went into teacher mode as she gathered the group, they half expected her to pull out a clipboard and take their attendance. They stood in a line in front of her like school kids while she reeled off the route of the last leg of their journey to get to her Mom's house.

Jess and Cece hung back and allowed the guys to pluck all the remaining luggage from the conveyor belt, they seemed to have made it into a competition so Jess figured they were best left to it. They had made fun of her brightly coloured luggage enough to know when they saw it. Jess rocked back and forth on her heels, checking her phone incessantly to see if any of her family had tried to get in touch. She looked nervous, anxious even, something that wasn't lost on her best friend. Cece pouted in confusion as she stared at an oblivious Jess.

"You ok Jess?"

"What? Yeah I'm fine. Why do you ask?"

"I don't know you seem a little edgy."

"No I'm ok, guess I just have a lot on my mind."

"You said you were ok about the wedding, that's still the truth right? I mean if you're finding all of this too hard Jess then..."

"No I am fine with it. I'm happy that my Dad's happy it's just...now that I'm here in Portland and the wedding is a couple of days away it just all feels a little strange. I mean I know my parents are divorced but this just makes it so final." She turned away from Cece feeling a little childish and embarrassed at her frank admission.

"Your Mom and Dad still care a lot about each other Jess."

"Oh I know they do." She nodded forlornly "Just ignore me Cece I'm being silly."

"No you're not. Come here." Cece dropped her bag to the floor and reached her arms around Jess shoulders squeezing tightly. Cece knew better than anyone what Jess had been through after her parents divorce. It was only in the past couple of months that Jess had truly given up on the notion that her parents would one day reunite and it had hit her harder than she would ever admit. Coupled with her breakup with Ryan, it was another solid shake to the foundations of Jess fairytale ideal.

Jess had been vague on some of the details of her break up with Ryan but Cece didn't take it personally, she knew it was nothing to do with Jess being secretive or not trusting Cece with the information, Jess told her everything after all. Jess simply didn't want to invite questions from Cece that she wasn't ready to answer. She knew Jess hadn't been able to tell Ryan that she loved him, because she didn't, Cece saw that as clearly as she saw the sky was blue. But Jess had never told her why and she had never pressed her on it. She didn't need to.

* * *

><p>As Nick stared out the window of the cab he absorbed himself in the streets of Portland. He had never been before but something about it felt familiar, comforting even. With every shop, movie theatre and cafe he passed he found himself suppressing the compulsion to quiz Jess if she used to go there when she was younger. Now that he was here in the place she grew up he felt an overwhelming urge to know more about the part of her that he had missed out on for so long. He had seen pictures of Jess when she was a teenager. She hadn't been anything like the girls he used to hang around with when he was in highschool and he often found himself wondering if they would ever have found a way to be friends all that time ago. Would she have written him off for being a slacker? Would he have ignored her for being a bookworm? Or would he have cracked a joke one day in class that made her offer up that smile of hers? Would she have offered to help him study?<p>

He and Jess had talked about visiting Portland when they were together but he had always been a little fearful of the idea of sitting in Bob's home where there was probably shot guns mounted on the wall and sharpened meat cleavers in the kitchen drawers. He had procrastinated time and time again until it was too late, the offer was taken off the table. Until now.

The noise of the busy streets started to fade into the background as they headed into the leafy suburbs. As he watched kids riding their bikes and parents pushing strollers he witnessed a life that seemed so far removed from what he had in L.A. A life he still felt years from achieving. But however vague and distant it was, it was prospect that he _could_ see, it was a dim light it a dark tunnel but it was a light nonetheless. He had questioned so many times whether it was a life he would ever be granted, whether it was a life he would ever be any good at. He had Walt Miller's blood flowing through his veins after all, and family life had never been Walt's strong point. Nick wanted it but he wasn't sure it wanted him.

Kai had been very philosophical about life, she never put any pressure on herself about anything, she took everything as it came. In the beginning Nick had loved that about her, it had been the very thing that attracted him to her, the reason he knew they had something worth taking a little further. She never got flustered or angry about anything, she never took anything too seriously and during the first couple of months of their relationship he wondered if maybe he had hit the jackpot, maybe he was gradually unearthing the perfect relationship. But he was wrong. She accepted his laziness and tolerated his lack of ambition. She validated everything he hated about himself. Jess drove him nuts but she challenged him, she pushed him, she got under his skin. She had ambition, she had values, she had opinions and boy did she express them. She made him feel alive, even when he disagreed with her, even when he knew she was wrong, even when they fought because my God there was always a fire. Jess had lit a fire in him, more than she would ever know.

They never talked about there break up, they didn't want to open up old wounds but Nick could recall with perfect clarity, every word that was exchanged that night. Everything she had said had stuck to him like glue. Nick never wanted to change who he was, he didn't have it in him to keep up that kind of charade, but that didn't mean he couldn't be a better version of what he was. He had been taking small steps for months, doing things, things he kept to himself. Things that Kai never knew anything about, things he had never even told his mother and things he had certainly never told Jess. He had wanted to tell her, they had been close over the past couple of months and he hated feeling like he was lying to her but he was scared. He was scared of what she would think, scared she would question his motives and run a mile in the other direction. Things were good between him and Jess and he wouldn't risk it.

* * *

><p>Jess was tired, it took all her resolve not to simply allow her head to fall gently on to Nick's shoulder but he looked too lost in his own head to disturb him. She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye as her lids drooped heavily but whatever it was he was absorbed in kept his attention elsewhere. He had been quiet the entire trip, she knew how fearful he had been about flying but even now he remained quiet. She found herself wondering what he was thinking about, they way she often did when they sat in silence. She could hear Schmidt prattling to the cab driver but she was too tired to make out the words, instead she stared at the side of Nick's face waiting for something that would give away the thoughts in his head. She knew him well and she knew there was something he wasn't telling her, not something bad or worrying, but something. She could feel his brain ticking over, she could see the slight crease in the centre of his forehead just above his nose when he was figuring something out. She hoped he would tell her in time, they had come so far lately she couldn't bear for them to take a step back. But Nick knew she was always there and she trusted that he would come to her when he needed to. She supposed she just missed being needed by him all the time, she missed the feeling of being as important to him as she once had been.<p>

She was always ready to be there for Nick when he needed her but the truth was, for the past few months, it had been the other way around. Two months ago she had come home in tears after ending things with Ryan. Nick has simply taken her in his arms without saying a word. She can't remember how long he held her for but he was there until the tears stopped and he had been there ever since. They were still hesitant with one another at times, they weren't entirely sure what rules applied to them now so they decided not to follow any rules as far as their friendship was concerned. They never had before, there was no reason to start now. They just went as the wind carried them, it just so happened the wind seemed intent on bringing them closer together.

She dropped her head lazily against the back seat and gave Nick a gentle nudge in the ribs making him turn instantly.

"Penny for 'em."

He was silent for several moments before he turned to her a smiled. "It's nice here Jess. I can picture you growing up here."

She lifted her head and smiled at his heartfelt statement, surprised by his sincerity. "Yeah I like it. I mean it's...home."

He grinned at her again trying to ignore how close they were sitting to one another, how hard their arms were pressed to together. "You sure your Mom is ok with all of us crashing. I mean it's not too weird for her considering the circumstances?"

"Yeah, she looking forward to seeing all you guys to be honest. She swears she's ok with everything."

"And you're ok with everything?" He caught her eyes at close range, that was how he got his real answers in spite of what came out of her mouth.

Jess pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose and nodded gently under his soft glare. "Yeah I'm ok."

Ten minutes later Nick found himself in the driveway of Jess' childhood family home being pulled into a tight bear hug by Joan. He looked over her shoulder to see a picture perfect house behind her, surrounded by an immaculate garden. It was hard to imagine Joan rattling round a big old house like that on her own but he supposed the wall to wall memories were a comfort to her. As he pulled back, Joan gave his cheeks an affectionate squeeze and offered him a big toothy smile that only a Day woman could. Nick could see Jess playfully rolling her eyes at her mother's exuberance and trying to usher the gang into the house before Joan got any more excited. Nick walked into the hallway which was flanked by pictures of Jess and Abby at varying ages, partaking in a host of different activities. He smiled to himself, Jess may have looked a little more youthful in the pictures but her eyes and smile had never changed. The house smelled like vanilla and freshly baked cakes, exactly how he had imagined it would. It was traditionally homely but with quirks everywhere, reflected in ornaments and artwork which hung on the wall, some of which it was clear had been done by Jess or her sister. The furniture and the drapes were all slightly miss-matched but in a wonderfully coordinated way.

Jess instinctively made her way towards the kitchen and they all followed closely behind. As Nick walked inside it was clear the kitchen was the hub of the home, he assumed Jess gravitated here everytime she came back to see her mother. Jess started to grab for spoons and mugs with no hesitancy before Joan laid her hands softly on her shoulders and insisted she sit down and let herself be taken care of. As they all sat at a big round wooden table it was clear everyone was immediately at ease in Joan's home, although it wasn't hard to feel comfortable around someone like her, she had a powerful motherly presence that they all loved about her. The only one of them that looked a little out of sorts was Jess, there was something that wasn't quite right but Nick couldn't put his finger on what it was. As she sat and clasped her hands in front of her at the table he reached over and gave them a quick squeeze with his own, instantly pulling back when Joan caught him in the act, a knowing smile playing across her face.

* * *

><p>After two cups of coffee Nick excused himself as nature called. He reached the top of the stairs, immediately forgetting which door Jess had said the bathroom was. He paused in the hallway momentarily and noticed the sun shining through a chink in one of the doorways which stood ajar. He walked slowly towards the room knowing instinctively that it was Jess' and pushed the door open gently. He was right, there was doubt it was her room. He could feel her everywhere. It was obvious adjustments had been made here and there over time as Jess had grown older but part of it felt frozen in time. He could almost see Jess laying on her bed with her walkman on, singing along as she wrote in her diary or practised her knitting.<p>

Checking there was nobody behind him, Nick took a tentative step into the room to have a better look, to get a sense of the Jess that he didn't know. There were still one or two tattered looking teddy bears on her bed which made him smile. There were various prints and artwork all over the walls, interspersed with one or two posters he would wager had been there since the early nineties. He laughed to himself as he noticed a closet that wouldn't even close properly due to the abundance of clothes that hung behind the doors and the sewing machine that was proposed up neatly against it. There were photographs everywhere, hung on the walls and in frames dotted around the room.

It was then he noticed a strip of photobooth pictures slotted into the frame of the mirror which stood on her dressing table. Nick felt a strange ache in his chest as he looked at the four small photos which poked out at an angle. He looked at the smiling faces of him and Jess as she sat perched on his knee, he smiled at the camera as she looked down at him lovingly. They had been taken last Christmas when they were together. They had both been at the airport ready to fly home and see their families and they were goofing around to kill time. Jess had been insistent on keeping the photos, claiming she hardly had any photos of the two of them together and he hadn't given them a second thought until that moment. He looked so happy it made his stomach hurt. A roar of laughter from downstairs broke his daze and he bolted for the bathroom, closing Jess' door tight behind him.

* * *

><p>Later that evening the smell of cooking food started to flood the kitchen as an apron-clad Joan switched into full host mode, ready to feed six hungry mouths. Jess grabbed a knife and helped her Mom prepare the food as the others disappeared to wash up before dinner. Joan washed her hands and shuffled closer to Jess resting her arm comfortingly around her shoulders and giving her a quick kiss on the cheek, enjoying a mother-daughter moment before the others came back.<p>

"It's so good to see you sweetie. How are you?"

"I'm good Mom."

Joan gave Jess' shoulders and extra squeeze. "You're sure?"

"Yeah I'm fine. I promise."

"Have you seen anything of Ryan?"

Jess shook her head as the familiar feeling of guilt and sadness settled in her belly at the mention of his name. She had never wanted to hurt Ryan, he didn't deserve it. All he had done was care about her and be a good boyfriend. On paper he had been perfect, everything she thought she should want. But there was something missing no matter how hard she had tried to ignore it and she _had_ tried hard to ignore it. At first it was a niggling feeling she was able to suppress with a little bit of distraction but over time it grew and grew until it was all she could see, it was all she could focus on. That feeling she got when she was with Nick, she assumed that in time she would feel that again with someone else but it hadn't turned out that way. She was only now coming to realise that she had seriously underestimated that feeling and the rarity of its existence.

Jess had always been so honest with her mother about her feelings and her relationships but Joan couldn't help but press a little further. "So Nick seems like he's been pretty supportive?"

Jess gave her Mom a warning look but indulged her nonetheless. "Yeah he has been, he's been great."

"That's pretty mature of him don't you think. You know, considering the circumstances?" Joan mused casually.

"Mom he just went through a break up too. He just gets it, that's all."

"Are you sure?"

Jess set her knife down on the counter top and turned to Joan. "What are you driving at Mom?"

Joan paused for just a moment at the same time Nick descended the stairs. He jogged down jauntily before the sound of his name stopped him half way. He paused, taking one step back up to avoid being seen from the kitchen. Their voices were somewhat hushed but still audible as Nick listened to Joan continue.

"I'm just saying it's clear Nick cares a lot about you honey and I know you care for him."

"Of course I do. He's my best friend." Jess continued, chopping the vegetables with just a little more vigour.

In the stairway Nick's heart started to beat a little harder as he craned his neck to hear the conversation better. He knew it was wrong but his curiosity got the better of him.

"Jessica, not a lot of exes have what you and Nick have, you do realise that?"

"Yeah I know." Jess groaned with mild exasperation.

Joan paused and considered wrapping up the conversation but she couldn't help herself. "Does he know why you broke up with Ryan?"

Jess bit her lip into her mouth and lifted her eyes to meet her Mom's. She opened her mouth to speak unaware of Nick's presence in the hallway but before the words could leave her mouth there was a loud knock at the front door. Nick's already pounding heart jumped into his throat at the noise and he fled back upstairs like a scared mouse running back into its hole as Jess came through the hallway to open the door to a loud and buoyant Abby Day.


	2. Chapter 2

As the sound of cutlery scraping against china filled the air, one by one they all sat back in their chairs rubbing their full, content bellies. They all had meals together in the loft as much as they could, but sometimes life and work got in the way and there was something different about having a hearty meal in a family home. Joan beamed at them all proudly as she took stock of their empty plates. She enjoyed spending time with her daughter's friends, it was always comforting to know Jess was surrounded by people who cared about her especially now that she lived so far away. As Joan continued to look round the table she found herself wishing she could say the same for Abby. Abby was a loose cannon and on first meeting her she was everybody's best friend, she drew people to her immediately, whereas Jess had always been quieter and more retiring growing up. Abby could be the life and soul of the party but she never stayed at the party long enough to make any real friends, she wasn't close to people the way Jess was and Joan worried about her being on her own. True to form Abby started to drum her hands on the table impatiently, ready to move on to whatever came next.

"So guys what are we doing tonight?" She smirked mischievously.

"Um...this." Jess said, her voice firm and resolute as she took another sip of her red wine and settled even more comfortable in her seat.

Abby dropped her hands down on to the table heavily and sat back in her chair. "What? No! We can't just sit in all night. Come on let's go out. How often do we get the chance to do this huh? How often to I get to see my little sis."

Jess could see the guy's ears pricking up at Abby's suggestion with Schmidt being the only one who looked less than enamoured by Abby's presence. They hadn't spoken since Abby's abrupt departure from L.A. and although there had never been a huge amount of ill feeling on Schmidt's part, it was clear he still wanted Abby to earn his friendship back, he wasn't just going to hand it back to her free of charge. Either way it was something Jess was keen to stay well clear of. But awkward interactions aside, the truth was Jess was comfortable, she liked sitting and talking with her friends and it was nice to spend time with her Mom. The thought of a loud, busy bar really didn't seem all that appealing.

"Abby it's the rehearsal dinner tomorrow, we can't be all hungover it's not fair to Dad."

"So we won't be hungover." Abby shrugged glibly. "Come on just a couple of drinks. Two hours...three tops."

"Abby?" Jess whined, dropping her head petulantly.

"Jess it might be fun." Nick chipped in quietly, leaning towards Jess with his voice lowered, trying to speak only to her. He knew Jess had something on her mind, he could see it written all over her face and he wanted to help distract her, even if it was just for a few hours. He stared at her until she lifted her eyes to meet his. She still looked unsure but her face softened as she succumbed to his sincerity once again. She set her glass back down on the table and turned to her Mom.

"Are you gonna be ok if we go out for a couple of hours Mom, I don't want to go if..."

"Jess, honey I'll be fine. Go out! Have some fun, that's what you're here for."

"You're sure? Why don't I help you clean up first."

Joan placed her hand gently over Jess' "Jess go." Joan laughed but her voice was a little more firm second time around.

* * *

><p>Half an hour later Nick walked out of the guest room he was sharing with Schmidt when the extreme stench of aftershave became too much for his nostrils to bear. Playing with the hem of his shirt, unsure whether or not to tuck it in, he started to make his way downstairs when he noticed Jess through the gap in her open door. He started to move his feet down the steps slowly so he didn't look like he was leering but it was too late as Jess caught his eye.<p>

"Hey." She spoke softly and smiled as she messed with the zipper at the back of her dress.

"Hey" Nick replied as he started to make his way back up the three steps he had managed to walk down at a snail's pace. He made his way cautiously toward her bedroom door, not quite sure exactly what he was doing. Jess didn't seem to mind his presence at all as she continued to play with her dress.

"Nick do you think you could?...never mind."

"What?" Nick too another couple of steps toward her.

"It's just this zipper, it's stuck. I can't get it up or down. Could you ...um."

Nick stood and stared for a few moments before he closed his eyes and shook his head to wake himself up. "Oh yeah sure, of course." As he moved behind her tentatively he soon realised he had significantly underestimated how much of her skin would be showing, not to mention the pink bra strap that stretched tantalisingly across the smooth plain of her back. He took a breath in that didn't seem to come back out. He reached for the tiny catch of her zipper with his thick, fumbling fingers and wiggled it gently trying to get some traction, as he expertly avoided trailing his knuckles over her skin. He tried to focus on the task in hand but he kept dragging his eyes up from her lower back to the soft patch of skin in between her shoulder blades which was feathered with a few strands of hair while she held the rest up with her hand to give him better access. Worried that he was taking too long and that she would notice he was indulging in shameful glances at her bare skin he got a little more forceful with the small piece of metal, grumbling at its resistance, making her chuckle in the process.

"It's fine Nick, I guess I'll just have to live in this dress forever. It's ok its a nice dress." She smiled at his reflection in the mirror in front of her but he still had his eyes cast down with a look of mild frustration on his face. She could feel his breath on her bare shoulders and it made a shiver run through her, she swallowed hard, worried that her skin had broken out in goose pimples and that he would see his proximity was having an effect on her. She could feel the heat from his hands against her back and the feel of his eyes on her body suddenly made her a little light headed.

"No I got it." He smiled triumphantly as he pulled the zipper to the top of her dress and sealed up their impromptu, intimate moment. But as his eyes met hers in the mirror his face fell serious and his voice softened. "I got it." he said again gently as their gaze locked. She moved her arm and let her hair tumble back down her shoulders as she kept her eyes on his and suddenly the air in the room felt thin. Realising his hand was still resting on her hip, Nick pulled it away abruptly and took a step back from her, breaking whatever spell they had just found themselves under. Jess turned round and caught his eyes once again, a little more nervously this time. There were a few moments of silence before Nick finally found his low, croaky voice.

"You um..." He coughed. "You look really nice."

"Thanks." She tucked her hair behind her ear just to give her nervous hands something to do. "So do you."

Nick looked own at the black flannel she had seen him wear a thousand times and and smiled at her efforts. "So you ready to go?"

"Sure." She smiled apprehensively "Let's do it."

* * *

><p>The crowds of people started to grow as they made their way further and further down the highstreet, towards the centre of the energetic buzz they could feel all around them. Coach and Winston were like kids in a candy shop as they tried to go in to every female-filled bar they walked by, only to be dragged away by Abby who had a very distinct idea of where they were heading. Schmidt's attention was split between flirting with Cece and trying to ignore Abby's attempts to talk to him. It was easy to see that it was all for show, Schmidt was merely trying to make a point as usual but his resolve was crumbling by the minute. Nick and Jess hung behind, walking just that little bit slower than the rest of the gang but still within earshot so they didn't get left behind.<p>

Nick shoved his hands hard in his pockets, he felt a strange urge to hold her hand as they glided along the sidewalk at a leisurely pace. He wasn't sure what had come over him. He wanted to be there for her this weekend but he wasn't sure what she needed from him or how she needed him to behave and lines were becoming blurred in his head.

"I'm glad you guys are here." Jess voiced honestly, breaking their silent stroll.

"Me too." Nick smiled, still fighting the urge to touch her in some way.

"You especially."

Nick swallowed hard as the busy streets seemed to quiet around him and all he could hear was her voice. "Well...you know I'm always here for you Jess."

"I know." She slowed her pace even more and turned to look at him, her eyes shining in the twinkling lights from the bars. "Look Nick I wanted to..."

"Come on you slowpokes!" Abby bellowed as she appeared from nowhere and slung her arm heavily around Jess' shoulders, drawing the other guys into a circle around Nick and Jess, interrupting whatever moment they were about to have. There was no room for Nick to press Jess on what she was going to say, the atmosphere and the conversation changed in seconds and the moment evaporated into thin air. Jess' words trickled back down her throat to land heavily in her stomach.

"So this is where the Day sisters got their highschool kicks." Winston mused with a big grin on his face as he soaked in the energy around him.

"This is where _I_ got my kicks." Abby laughed. "Jess...not so much."

As they all turned to Jess, their eyes wide with surprise, she offered them an embarrassed smile. "Well you know, Abby and I were different this wasn't really my thing back then. I was young."

"You're telling me you never sneaked out to bars when you were younger Jess." Coach quizzed with a confused smile on his face.

Sensing Jess' discomfort Cece chipped in. "This place was filled with asshole jocks and puking cheerleaders back then, why would that be fun?" Cece laughed.

"Oh come on Cece I know you had some fun in your teen years!" Schmidt interrupted, refusing to let his fantasies of teenage Cece be destroyed.

"Well yeah I did sometimes but Jess and I had way more fun doing other stuff didn't we Jess."

"Yeah we did." Jess smiled fondly even though her face was tinged with a slight redness.

"Yeah but parties and clubs and puking cheerleaders its what highschool is all about." Coach continued. "Come on Jess you're honestly telling me you never spent a night at some party getting your lipstick smeared and hanging your head in a toilet."

"Well you know...I guess I just...I wasn't all that popular in highschool so..." Jess smiled weakly as her voice petered out into a whisper. Realising the gang had fallen silent Jess plastered a smile on her face and let out a louder, more hearty laugh. "Come on that can't surprise you I was the captain of the knitting club for goodness sake." The guys laughed and turned their questions to Abby while Nick's urge to hold Jess' hand had suddenly grown tenfold.

* * *

><p>As they passed through the bar they couldn't fail to notice that Abby seemed to be something of a familiar face. Before they knew it they were seated in their own booth with a bottle of Champagne in front of them and none of them dared to ask any questions, least of all Jess who had stopped asking a long time ago. Schmidt seemed pretty comfortable latching on to Abby's notoriety while Cece continuously rolled her eyes, a familiar expression after witnessing years of Abby's antics. Jess seemed relieved that her sister had kept it a lot more tame than she expected. Jess might not have been a frequent face at highschool parties but she had been dragged on the odd night out with Abby which had terrified her to her very core. Jess loved her sister but she had always found the unpredictability exhausting. But tonight Abby's unpredictable choice worked in Jess' favour. She could feel herself slowly starting to relax as the evening went on and she couldn't lie, she was enjoying the comfort of having Nick by her side. The fleeting moment they had shared in her room had touched her but the truth was, those little moments were happening more and more. The week before they had brushed hands as they reached for the TV remote at the same time, setting an electric charge through both of them. The week before that she had sat on the rooftop wrapped in his hoodie as they enjoyed a beer together. The scent of him around her had made her heart melt into her stomach, so much that she hadn't been able to take her eyes of him that entire evening. She felt safe when he was around, everything made sense and over the past few weeks that very thought had terrified her.<p>

Nick felt Jess relax, he could hear it in her voice and it made him relax too. Jess' mood always affected him, it always had. It had been something Julia had remarked on back when they were dating, and Caroline, and Angie and Kai. If Jess came home from work after a hard day, Nick would feel stressed until he had found a way to make her laugh or making her problems go away. On the flipside she had the power to lift his mood when he was down, her happiness could be infectious, even to a guy like Nick Miller. In that moment her smile was lighting up his world, the sound of her laugh was the world's best medicine.

As the evening rolled on, one hour soon turned into three and after some ribbing from Schmidt about his choice of attire for the night, Nick willingly disappeared to the bar to collect his round of drinks. Nick was usually super impatient waiting for drinks when he was so used to receiving freebies at Clyde's, but this time he was grateful for a few moments to himself to think. He couldn't shake Joan's words from his mind. Why had Jess broken up with Ryan? What didn't he know? While he understood Jess' reticence to divulge her romantic dramas to her ex-boyfriend he still couldn't help the feeling of hurt that she held things back from him now. He missed the days when Jess used to tell him everything. They had an amazingly close relationship considering they had shared a bed naked together but Nick was overprotective when it came to Jess and he wanted to know everything.

Jess was on his mind a lot these days, he wasn't sure when it had happened exactly but somehow she had crawled back in there and was living there full time. Sometimes he even felt guilty about it, like he was taking advantage of something he didn't have any rights over. But it was natural to think about your friends right? To worry that they're ok? To analyse conversations? To obsess over the way they touched your hand over lunch? Ok, he was taking some liberties but they had been in love, those thoughts didn't just disappear that easily. Nick's brain started to ache from the over analysis and he rested his head in his hand as he leaned on the bar before standing back up rigidly when he realised he was being stared at by the attractive brunette next to him.

* * *

><p>Jess made her way through the crowd towards the bar, offering polite apologies to everyone she bumped into along the way. She spotted the back of Nick's head and squirmed past a few more people to get to him but as she got closer she noticed him talking to someone. She slowed her pace a little and saw a brunette girl standing next to him, leaning heavily into his personal space. As Nick let out a small laugh she felt her stomach drop and she immediately started to back away from the sight in front of her but in her haste she bumped into the two men standing in front of her and caught Nick's attention.<p>

"Jess!" He called after her.

She stopped and turned using the few brief moments she had her back to him to plaster a smile on her face. She walked toward him trying to ignore the girl next him who now seemed eager to find out why she had lost Nick's attention so suddenly. Jess was always polite and welcoming to strangers but she wasn't in the mood to acknowledge the girl, she just didn't have it in her in that moment so she kept her eyes solely on Nick who was now smiling widely. "Where you going?" He laughed.

"Nowhere. I was going to help you carry the drinks but you looked like you were busy so..."

Nick's smile fell at the look on her face but he wasn't afforded the chance to question her as the brunette next to him suddenly turned herself into their conversation and interrupted without apology. As Jess and the girl came face to face Nick saw Jess' expression change.

"Oh my God Jessica Day! Is that you?" The girl shrieked with ebullience.

Jess' eyes widened as she forced a weak smile. "Kim. It's uh...it's nice to see you."

"I do not believe it, I haven't see you since highschool!" Kim turned behind her to get the attention of three other girls before Jess had the chance to respond. "Hey girls, look who I've just found." Kim chorused in a sing-song voice. One by one the other girls turned to face Jess, the same fake, patronising smiles spreading across each of their faces. Jess recognised all of them, their faces looked a little older but other than that they looked exactly the same as they had all those years ago, even down to their outfits and hairstyles. Suddenly Jess felt like she had taken a step back in time, but it wasn't necessarily a step she was happy to take. Nick was wary of Jess' reaction but he smiled at the ladies nonetheless, he didn't want to seem rude to her old friends. Jess noted the innocence in his smile but he didn't know the half of it and she didn't want him to know. Satisfied that he had all the drinks he had come for, Jess rested her hand on his forearm and started to pull gently. "Well it was nice to see you girls, have a good night." With that Jess turned to walk away with Nick in tow but her plan for a quick exit proved unsuccessful.

"Wait, wait Jessica. It would be nice to catch up don't you think. Relive some of those highschool memories." Kim spoke in a measured way without her smile wavering even once as she drew chuckles from the girls behind her.

"Uh that would be nice but I'm here with some friends so..."

"Oh Nick and I are old friends now too. Aren't we Nick?" Kim pulled Nick's arm away from Jess and hooked her own in its place, smiling at him flirtatiously and making him squirm under Jess' glare."

This girl was a little brash for his liking but he didn't want to get in the way of Jess catching up with some old friends. "The guys and I won't mind if you want to have a drink with your friends Jess."

"No it's not that's its..." Jess spoke in hushed tones and tried to appeal to Nick with her eyes but Kim interrupted once again.

"Well great we'll join you then. Come on ladies." Kim retained her tight grasp on Nick's arm and started to usher everyone away from the bar.

The closer they got to the booth, the more Nick noticed Abby and Cece's expressions change. The smiles which had been lighting up their faces seconds ago fell gradually as they approached the table. Nick quickly started to realise that encouraging Jess to have a drink with these ladies might not have been the smartest move but as they sidled up to Coach, Winston and Schmidt one by one, it was too late.

* * *

><p>"And Jess is just standing there." Kim laughed as she proceeded with her story. "She's completely forgotten the words of the song in front of the whole school and so she just starts humming for like two minutes straight and everyone is just laughing and laughing at her. It was hysterical. Oh and Jess do you remember the time Scott Taylor accidentally poured that red paint on you at the football game."<p>

"Pretty sure it wasn't an accident." Jess interjected quietly, trying desperately to show she was finding some humour in Kim's story. The brunette remained oblivious as she banged her hand down on the table and laughed, her exuberance drawing more chuckles from the other girls who found her anecdotes highly amusing. The guys laughed nervously at first, unsure how to take Kim's tales but their laughter became more sincere when they saw the smile on Jess' face. If Jess was able to laugh at herself then there was no harm in them having a giggle or two. But Nick wasn't as easily sucked in by a loud voice and a pretty face and his attention remained on Jess. He could see that she had become subdued, shy even, as Kim and the other girls dominated the conversation.

Nick tried to be evasive but he could see how much Kim was trying to get his attention. She kept finding excuses to lean across the table and stroke his arm and her leg kept 'accidentally' rubbing against his. He was a gentleman and he didn't want to be rude by yanking his hand away but her tactility in front of Jess was making him uncomfortable. Nick thought he and Jess were past the stage of being overly concerned about their actions around members of the opposite sex, after all they had both slept with other people since their time together, but somewhere in the past couple of days there had been a shift. He didn't know what it meant or if it meant anything at all, he just knew that Kim's advances were not welcome. The other guys were of course revelling in the attention, their champagne addled heads becoming more oblivious to the concerned looks being exchanged between Abby and Cece. But Kim seemed convinced she had found her audience as she continued to pull away the layers of Jess' school history that Jess had tried to keep wrapped up for so long.

"God you were always getting into pickles Jess, I lost count of how many times Abby had to come to your rescue." Kim laughed. "You two were so different. I mean thank God you had her Jess or highschool would have been hell for you."

"Jess did just fine on her own." Abby sneered. "She was tougher than she ever got credit for. She still is."

"Abby" Jess warned but Kim continued, oblivious to the friction radiating from Jess' big sister.

"Oh gosh there were just so many funny stories about you Jessica, they made everyone laugh."

"I think they're called rumours actually." Jess muttered timidly trying not to let her smile crack.

"You know a thing or two about rumours right Kim." Abby leaned back in her seat and smiled sinisterly.

"Well we all do I mean it was highschool for God's sake, it never meant anything. It was all just good fun."

Jess took a long, slow gulp of her wine and tried desperately to understand how she found herself in this position. Why was this happening? This girl had made her life a living hell for years, why was she sitting drinking Champagne with her? But still Jess said nothing and for some unknown reason allowed Kim to continue.

"I mean you remember my 17th birthday right Jess?"

"Uh no I don't actually."

"Oh come on you remember what happened that night, everybody was there, everybody remembers it."

"Guess I wasn't invited." Jess nodded her head slowly in acceptance of where the story was headed. An awkward silence fell across the table which Kim immediately dismissed with a wave of her hand. "Oh well. Bygones I guess. I'm sure there was a good reason at the time."

"Yeah I'm sure there was." Jess' fake smile was starting make her face ache. She scratched her nose covering her mouth with her hand and taking the liberty to relax her face for just a few short seconds, but it was enough time for Nick to catch her in the act. She could see a look of concern on his face and she instantly wished Nick had never met Kim. It was two parts of her life she had never been to eager to see cross. The Jess that Nick knew was different to the Jess in highschool. In the safety of their LA loft she had always been able to play it down and dismiss it but now her past was sitting right across from him shamelessly rubbing his leg at every opportunity and it made her stomach turn. But Nick wasn't falling for it. While Kim's highschool tales were laced with terms of endearment and accompanied by gentle laughter, Nick wasn't fooled. While he wasn't clear on Kim's intentions he was clear that this wasn't about nostalgia, this wasn't about looking back over the years and poking harmless fun at each other. These weren't simply fond memories of Jess' quirky ways. They were making fun of her.

Nick looked at Jess who was now sitting a little hunched over, looking down at her lap every few moments as she played with her hands. This wasn't the Jess he knew, he didn't understand why she was so quiet, why she wasn't fighting her corner the way she had always done with him. Why was she letting this get to her? He rested his arm across the booth behind her, refraining from the bold action of putting his arm around her shoulders, and leaned in to speak to her before Kim' thundering voice interrupted once again like fingernails down a blackboard.

"I gotta say you have not changed Jess, I mean you were always a strange, quirky little thing weren't you." Kim smiled and shrugged her shoulders casually in a way that started to make Nick angry. Really angry. "How did you manage to get all these hot friends Jess?" Kim leaned across the table and stroked her hand up Nick's forearm. "This never happened in highschool, I never saw you with any guys, no guys that I would remember anyway." She laughed for a few seconds before Nick pulled him arm from under her hand forcefully.

"Yeah Jess had changed since highschool Kim." Nick snapped, emphasising her name as though it were an insult.

"Nick don't." Jess whispered but it was futile, she could see Kim had struck a nerve and Nick continued regardless of Jess' weak protest.

"That's what people do after highschool Kim, they change. They don't hang around the same bars, wearing the same clothes, using the same thinly veiled insults they used fifteen years ago to get a few cheap laughs because it the only way they can ever get anybodies attention!"

Kim reared her head back a little, her smile cracking for the first time that night as a redness appeared in her cheeks. "Oh come on we're just having fun. Jess knows it was always just a bit of fun, don't you Jess?" Kim giggled nervously.

There was a few moments of silence as all eyes fell on Jess. "Um I need to go to the bathroom actually, I'll be right back." Jess shuffled in her seat towards Nick, wordlessly signalling for him to move. He stopped still for a moment and tried to meet her eyes but she kept them to the floor and waited patiently but intently for him to move and let her by.

* * *

><p>Nick pushed open the back door to the bar and let the cool air hit him in the face. She knew he was there but she didn't turn around.<p>

"You know I had to peek at four women's shoes underneath the bathroom stalls before I realised you weren't in there." Nick joked as he sat down on the wooden table next to her, resting his feet on the seat and mirroring her pose exactly. She laughed weakly but for a few more moments she said nothing, all he could hear were the sips she was taking from her beer bottle.

"You gonna share that or what?" He asked as he nudged her arm gently and she handed him the beer bottle which he drew a long sip from as he waited for her to speak. They handed the bottle back and forth for a few moments more before the silence was broken.

"You didn't have to do that Nick."

"Do what?"

She turned to look at him for the first time and cocked her head at him, rolling her eyes a little at his feigned ignorance.

"Ok I'm sorry." He jokingly held his palms up in surrender. "But why didn't you say anything to her Jess, she was being a bitch."

"She has always been a bitch Nick. That was nothing new to me. Look I told you. I didn't fit in at highschool, it wasn't a fun time for me. Abby and Cece were the only reason I got through it. So...now you know." She snatched the beer bottle back from him and turned her head away as embarrassment flooded her cheeks.

"You think I give a damn what she says Jess?"

Jess shrugged and kept her watering eyes to the floor.

"I don't. Whoever you were in highschool made you what you are now and that's all I care about." She turned to meet his eyes once again but she remained quiet as he continued to speak honestly. "She never understood any of your quirks because she boring Jess and she knows it, that's why she has to get her kicks from making fun of other people. She stuck here living the same life she lived at school Jess."

"It's just...I don't know. I guess it's just a little humiliating. I always used to put a brave face on and pretend I didn't care but I never wanted anyone to know all that stuff. Especially you." A single tear dropped down her cheek and she swiftly wiped it away so he wouldn't see.

Nick shuffled closer to her and put his arm around her shoulders, boldly allowing the tips of his fingers to trail just a little way up the side of her neck, feeling the soft hair that lay gently against her skin. Jess inhaled heavily as she felt the warmth and strength of Nick's arm go around her, she felt her skin tingle as his fingers settled against the sensitive skin of her neck. She felt like she wanted to give into him and let herself cry but she couldn't. Not now. Instead she swallowed hard and lowered her head away from his gaze but she soon felt it being pushed back up as he placed a finger softly underneath her chin.

"Jess you are the most amazing person I have ever met in my whole life." He spoke softly and quietly lowering his hand from her face when the contact was too much for him to bear. "You're incredible, and all that stuff is exactly what I lo..." He stopped himself as he registered the words coming out of his mouth. "It's what makes you Jess. Our Jess." He smiled and she returned it more sincerely this time as she felt a wonderful ache in her heart. She allowed her hand to settle on his thigh and squeezed affectionately. Nick swallowed hard at her touch and he could feel something rising within in.

"It's what makes you _my_ Jess."

Nick hadn't known the words were coming, he wasn't even sure he had said them out loud until her moist, wide eyes met his once again and the hand on his thigh suddenly froze. Silence filled the air and they could both hear nothing but the cool breeze that flowed past their ears, blowing a stray strand of hair across Jess' cheek. Nick raised his hand slowly and tucked it gently behind her ear as his heart pounded in his chest. He couldn't remember the last time they'd shared a moment like this and his body had forgotten how to deal with it. Part of him wanted to run away in fear, but the other part of him, the part that could see her eyes flickering down to his lips, wanted to kiss her and never ever stop. With their faces painfully close together she could feel his breath against her lips, she watched as they fell open slightly and she realised hers had done the same. She felt surrounded by him and it felt wonderful and terrifying in equal measure. She wanted to kiss him. She wanted him to kiss her. But neither of them made a move. Something that had once come so easily to them suddenly felt it was going to change their very existence. There faces leaned almost imperceptibly closer when the roar of the bar hit their ears as the door behind them flung open. They snapped apart and turned to see a guilty looking Cece standing behind them.

"Oh sorry I didn't mean to..." Cece bit her lip in embarrassment and started to back away.

"No it's fine." Jess jumped on to her feet and straightened her hair nervously. "It's fine, what's up?"

Nick stood up slowly and took a couple of steps away from Jess. His eyes gradually came up to meet Cece's which were a mixture of confusion, questioning and excitement if that cocktail was even possible.

"Um we were thinking of leaving. Abby is seconds away from punching Kim in the face so we should probably..."

"Oh ok sure." Jess spoke chipperly, overcompensating for how clearly flustered she was. Nick stood in silence as Jess walked close by him toward the door without meeting his eyes. As Cece and Jess disappeared into the bar he took a deep breath and squeezed the bridge of his nose harshly before trailing behind them. Somehow the bar was even busier now but he could still make out the misguided wave from Kim as they past a few feet from the booth. He bowed his head and pretended not to see her and instead his eyes searched out the purple material of Jess' dress. Unable to see past the wide gentleman in front of him he figured the girls had made it outside already until he felt a small hand settle in his and pull him forward. Soon he could see her in front of him but she didn't turn round, she continued to walk forward with her hand firmly in his until they reached the open view of the street when she allowed it to fall back by his side.


	3. Chapter 3

Jess lay awake listening to the steady snore coming from her best friend who lay peacefully next to her. Squinting her eyes to try and make out Cece's shape in the darkness of the room Jess wondered how a girl with such a pretty face had such a mean snore. Jess sat upright as one more guttural sound rumbled up Cece's throat and through her nose, she sure gave Bob a run for his money. Glancing at the bright numbers on her alarm clock Jess noticed that an hour and a half had past since they all took to their beds and still she lay awake unable to shut off her mind which seemed to be filled with a thousand thoughts, when really it was just one. Her and Nick had had a moment, a big moment, there was no doubt about that and now she wasn't sure how to deal with it.

Did they acknowledge it or ignore it? Acknowledging it meant acknowledging the idea of 'them' again and they hadn't been 'them' in a very long time. Swinging her legs off the bed, she wiggled her feet into her slippers and allowed her mind to drift back to a few hours earlier, she remembered how her heart had pounded, how her breath had stopped short, how it felt like the rest of the world had disappeared around her, how it was exactly the way he he had made her feel the first time he kissed her. Everything had seemed so complicated and confusing back then but that was nothing compared to where they were right now. There wasn't even a word for what they were now, not one that Jess could think of, and she was an English teacher.

So much had changed since then, yes their friendship was strong but it was still bruised, there were still scars caused by their breakup and the thought of going back there and reliving any of that again filled her with dread. But she was excited, thrilled even and she couldn't hide it. In the six months she had been with Ryan he had never made her feel the way Nick had in that moment and he hadn't even kissed her. His mouth had simply hovered close to hers, his breath dusting her lips and it had been enough to make her world stand still. When she had met Nick Miller four years ago she never ever would have believed he would come to be the person that would know and understand her better than anyone else. The guy who wore the same sweatpants for days on end, the guy who believed in crazy conspiracy theories and kept centipedes under his bed, he was the guy who gave her butterflies and made her question her judgement every single day.

Had they made a mistake breaking up? Had anything really changed?

Jess decided she needed some help to calm her busy mind. She rose from the bed slowly, conscious not to make too much movement for fear of waking up Cece. She crept quietly towards her bedroom door, collecting her robe from the hook on the back of it as she passed. She headed into the darkness of the hallway but she was so familiar with the house she knew her feet could find their way. She even knew how to expertly avoid the floorboards that creaked to avoid waking up the whole house, that came from years of trying to avoid Bob's wrath when she needed midnight snack. As she took to the top step she couldn't help but glance back at Nick's closed bedroom door. She didn't expect to see or hear him she just liked reminding herself that he was right there.

Arriving downstairs, she flicked on a small light in the kitchen, illuminating it just enough for her find her way around and make herself a cup of hot chocolate. As the kettle boiled away Jess leaned her elbows on the counter top, resting her head in her hands, taking in a long, deep breath to try and clear her head. It hadn't been the evening she had expected. Having all the guys in her home town was a little surreal in itself but coming head on with her highschool days was something she hadn't been prepared for, she had left that behind a long time ago, or so she thought. She had been teased for years by those very same girls, the same cruel words, the same insults, she had heard it all. But the way Nick spoke about her, that was new, that was something that took her pleasantly by surprise. Except 'pleasant' didn't even cover it. What she felt had been so much more than that.

The button on the kettle snapped breaking her out of her reverie and she leaned over to pour the water into her favourite mug, her special hot chocolate mug that she'd had since she was seven. She watched the steady stream of water fill the cup when a low voice made her jump, pouring water all over the counter in the process. She turned, holding her hand over her chest to try and slow down her heartbeat but she couldn't help the smile that crept across her face as she saw him standing in the doorway looking just the right amount of sleepy and dishevelled.

"You scared me." She gasped through a half whisper.

"Sorry, I thought you might have heard me coming. Those are some creaky stairs."

There was a long silence as they stared at one another. Nick had heard someone up and about and he just knew it was Jess so he had followed her instinctively. Why, he wasn't sure.

"You couldn't sleep either?" She asked softly, her voice low and gentle in the quiet of the house. Nick simply shook his head and continued to look at her. "You want some?" She gestured to the mug of hot chocolate next to her and he nodded with gentle enthusiasm. "Sure."

Jess turned her back to him to prepare the drink, she stirred it painfully slowly buying some time to compose herself. This was Nick, her friend Nick, what the hell was wrong with her? Finally she turned back to face him and he was standing just a couple of feet in front of her now, she handed him the cup hoping he wouldn't notice that her hand was shaking. Suddenly it made sense to her why they had kept their distance from each other for a while after they had first broken up. As painful and as hard as it had been at the time, they both knew how charged things became when they were alone together. Ryan and Kai had distracted them from it for a long time but it never went away, it just hid cunningly for a while, fooling them both.

"Thank you." His voice came out as a gravelly whisper as he accepted the cup, his fingertips trailing just slightly over the back of her hand.

"You're welcome... Shall we...?" She gestured toward the doorway and he nodded, following her willingly into the living room.

* * *

><p>As they settled on the couch they both desperately wanted to talk about what happened between them, what it meant, but neither of them said anything. Somehow they had reverted back to three years ago, both denying there was anything between them, refusing to acknowledge those moments they shared and how quickly and easily they went beyond the boundaries of friendship.<p>

"So how are you feeling about everything?" Nick inquired as he took a sip of his drink, peering at her over the top of the mug innocently. Jess' head snapped up quicker than she intended it to. Was he really jumping into it just like that? It was clear he read the confusion and mild shock on her face as he repeated himself giving a little more clarity to the intention of his question. "The wedding Jess? How are you doing with all of it?"

"Oh." She shook her head in realisation, trying to decide if it was disappointment or relief she was feeling that they weren't discussing '_them'_. "Um ok I guess. I mean it's weird and I know this has to be really weird for my Mom but she seems to be putting on a brave face."

"Yeah I get that." Nick nodded pensively. "Watching someone you loved with somebody else is...hard." He raised his eyes to meet Jess' and a moment of understanding passed between them. Still they said nothing. Jess simply nodded her head and lowered her gaze under the intensity of his stare. "And what about you? How do you feel?" He continued.

"I'm fine. I happy for him. I am." Jess smiled but it didn't register in her eyes and Nick spotted it immediately.

"Jess this is me you're talking to. You can be honest with me."

Jess sighed heavily and resigned to the fact that Nick knew her too well. There was no sense in her hiding things from him because he always got it out of her in the end, he had a way of making her open up. "I guess there is still a part of me that wishes all of this had turned out differently. I always had this picture in my head that if they just found themselves in the right moment at the right time, that my Mom and Dad would fall in love again. Ever since they separated its like there's been this piece missing and I've spent a long time waiting for it to fit back into place. Ugh I just sound so immature and stupid."

Without thinking Nick stretched his arm across her lap to hold her hand. He curled his fingers gently around hers and just held it there. "You don't sound stupid Jess. Life can get ridiculous at times and its normal to want that kind of stability from your family. God knows I craved it for long enough then one day I realised something."

"What?" She whispered as her whole body tingled and sank into a wonderful feeling of sedation at the touch of his thumb stroking tenderly over the back of her hand.

"Walt was just a guy, he wasn't this perfect person that I created in my head when I was a little kid, he made mistakes. They're human Jess, they get stuff right and they get stuff wrong, they're just a little better at picking up the pieces than we are. Your Dad messed up with your Mom and he's just looking for a second chance now. Maybe things will be better for him second time round and for your Mom. Then maybe that piece will fit back into place when you see how happy they are."

Jess nodded slowly as her eyes fixated on his, the sound of his voice calmed every nerve in her body. "You're right Nick." She turned her hand over so they were palm to palm and laced her fingers through his. "I know you're right. I do just want them to be happy however that comes, they deserve it. I want my Dad to have another shot because I believe in second chances."

Nick paused, his eyes lingered over hers and he was suddenly more aware of his breathing. "You do?" The words passed over his lips with ease but the questioning and longing in his eyes was more intense than it had ever been and Jess could see it clear as day. She nodded gently as her heart pounded against her ribcage and moved her gaze to focus on their joined hands. Without further thought she dropped her head softly against his shoulder and closed her eyes as his scent hit her. It took all her strength not to turn her head into his neck and place a kiss there. Nick froze momentarily, he hoped she wouldn't notice his muscles seize as she lay against him. But as her head settled into his shoulder, the long-time absent but familiar feeling sent waves of relaxation through his body. He turned his face towards her, his lips hovering over the crown of her head but not touching. He closed his eyes and allowed himself to sink into to her but he soon opened them again at the sound of her voice.

"Hey Nick?"

"Yeah."

"Would you come with me to the rehearsal dinner tomorrow? It would really mean a lot if you were there." She squeezed his hand as she spoke, for self-reassurance more than anything else. She was nervous to ask him but she didn't want him to know that, she didn't want him to feel her reticence, it would only add more emotional weight to her request. Her heart started to beat a little faster as he remained quiet, suddenly she felt like an idiot, what was she even asking of him? She raised her head from his shoulder and slowly released his hand. Maybe this was all too much for him. She swallowed down the lump in her throat until it landed heavily in her chest. She shook her head and tried to laugh off her request. "No Nick just forget it, it's silly. I'll be fine you don't have to come if you don't want to."

She raised her hand to move a stray lock of hair away from her face, hiding the embarrassed flush in her cheeks but after a moment he pulled it away from her face and held it back in his own.

"Of course I'll come with you. Whatever you need Jess."

Sealing the deal with a smile and a squeeze of the hand they continued to talk for hours. They talked about everything but the one thing they truly wanted to find answers for and as they fell asleep in each other's arms they closed their eyes on another day of not knowing what they truly were to each other.

* * *

><p>Nick struggled to lift his eyes open but it wasn't even necessary to know she was still there. He could feel a solid warmth pressed up against the front of his body and the stray strands of hair tickling his mouth and nose. His right arm was tucked neatly under the small body in front of him, with dainty fingers pressing his palm against a sturdy beating heart. His legs were wonderfully anchored down as they tangled with hers so comfortably they looked like they were made to fit with one another. As his eyelids slowly lifted he was met with a shock of dark hair which lay a little mussed at the back from sleep. Her shoulders rose and fell against him in time with the motion of his own chest, if he had focused on it for too long it would have lulled him back to sleep. He hugged her just a little bit closer, closed his eyes, and contemplated doing just that until he heard the front door close shaking him from his sleepy stupor.<p>

The both raised their heads in alert at the sudden noise but it disappeared as soon as they heard it and they were left alone in silence once again. They were now fully awake and fully aware of their rather cosy situation. Nick turned to face Jess and immediately found her eyes searching his, their faces just a few centimetres apart. Things seemed a little more awkward in the cold light of day, the simplicity of just being together was once again weighed down with unwelcome questions. As Jess rotated her hips towards him he realised how tightly they were still locked in an embrace and he pulled his hand from under hers swiftly, propping himself upright.

"Sorry I didn't mean to..."

"No it's ok." She cut him off and started to push herself up on her elbows.

They both sat up straight, untangling their feet from the blanket that had been draped over them and adjusting their robes and pyjamas to make sure they looked half way decent and not like two exes who had just got way too close. As they sat next to one another playing with their hands nervously, they chanced a glance at one another but the comfort they had felt was starting to dissipate and the eye contact was strained. It seemed unfair considering how close and comfortable their bodies had been moments ago but awkwardness was a plight they feared two exes with an unrelenting connection could never escape. They had drawn a line in the sand when they had broken up and they were crossing it.

Nick was aware that a couple of minutes had gone by without either of them speaking so he turned to her and opened his mouth, hoping the right words would come out but he was stopped short before he had the chance.

"Good morning, good morning." Abby cheered a little too loudly for that time of the morning. Coffee in hand, she dropped herself down on the chair opposite Nick and Jess and curled her legs underneath her, making herself comfortable. Looking back and forth between Jess and her ex, Abby raised her eyebrows and tried to hide the smirk on her face by taking a long, slow sip from her cup. Jess mouth an obvious and stern '_what?_' to her sister but Abby simply shrugged and continued to hide her knowing smile behind her mug. Rolling her eyes and exhaling heavily in annoyance at being interrupted and rumbled simultaneously, Jess rose quickly from her seat. "I'm gonna go take a shower." Pushing her glasses back on her face Jess marched out of the room, not daring to chance a look at Abby or Nick.

Nick squirmed a little as Abby switched her gaze to him. He smiled at her politely and waited for her to say whatever it was he could see her formulating in her head. He didn't have to wait long.

"So...you guys looked pretty comfortable together."

"What, what do you..."

"Oh come on Nick I saw you guys all cuddled up on the sofa when I came downstairs."

Nick exhaled the breath he had been holding, there was no point in playing dumb with Abby, she was never going to buy it. "Oh so that was you going out...or coming in...wait?" Nick had confused himself.

"Hell no, that was Schmidt going for his morning run. I'm still in my pyjamas Nick."

"Right." Nick laughed nervously gently hitting the heel of his hand against his head. He was desperate to find something to change the subject but his head felt devoid of any coherent thought. He was still reeling from waking up next to Jess, something he thought would never happen again. He tried to say words, any words, but Abby had caught them out fair and square.

"I came down last night to get a glass of water." She continued. "I noticed a light on and I saw you two all snuggled together...so what's the deal are you guys back together?"

Nick shook his head vehemently and held his hands up openly. "No we're not. We just...I don't know we just lost track of time and fell asleep I guess."

Abby rolled her eyes at Nick's vague response. She knew what she had seen. "Ok you guys might not be back together yet but it's where you're headed right? I mean friends don't sleep like that, trust me I know."

Nick could feel himself getting flustered. "No, I don't know...look Jess and I are friends who have a history and we're just figuring things out."

"Well make sure you do Nick...figure it out I mean. Don't jump back into anything unless you're sure."

"Abby come on." Nick sighed dismissively but he was a little taken aback by the direction the conversation was taking. It was only 9am, why was he getting relationship advice from his exes sister before he'd even had breakfast? But it was clear from the look on Abby's face she wasn't letting it go.

"I'm serious Nick." Abby warned, her face a lot more sullen than it had been moments ago. She sat forward in her seat, resting her elbows on her knees and lowering her voice so she couldn't be heard. There was concern in her eyes but also a very distinct glare of sisterly protectiveness. "Jess was broken after you guys ended and she just went through a break up with Ryan. You need to be careful Nick, you can't get back into anything unless you're both sure. You guys are lucky you're friends now but you won't survive another break up, there will be no friendship left next time Nick."

Nick stared at Abby with his mouth slightly agape as he pondered everything he had just heard. Abby's words were blunt, they hit him like a slug to the chest and made his ears throb but they were the truth. Nick knew it, he had known it all along. It was everything he was afraid of, it was the reason why he hadn't kissed her the night before, in spite of how much he had wanted it.

Did he really want to risk losing Jess all over again?


	4. Chapter 4

Nick ran his fingers through his wet hair as he let the warm water run down his back. He was all washed and clean and had been for ten minutes but still he stayed under the soothing stream of water hoping the steam would somehow clear his head as it had his sinuses. Abby's words had been rattling round in his head all day, the sound of them getting louder and louder with each minute that went by. He and Jess were stagnant, they were both scared to take a step forward, and Abby had made it all the more clear why, but it was impossible for them to go back. Too much had happened between them to get back the friendship they once had, Nick knew that now. Before they started dating they had the innocence of not knowing what could exist between them, how deep it could go. They could be close and talk how they wanted without question. They didn't have that now, they had fallen in love and it changed everything and they couldn't escape the truth that they had both tried to move on, and they had both failed.

Nick turned the shower handle harshly, shutting off the water abruptly and stepping out to reach for a softer, drier towel than he was used to. But he wasn't so soft and gentle with himself as he rubbed his wet hair roughly until it stood up in angry, fluffy spikes. He could feel the utter frustration pervading his whole body, making his body buzz with a nervous energy. He had been enjoying how much time he and Jess were spending together, he felt like the luckiest man in the world that he still got to be so close to her considering what they had been through. But he was _so_ grateful that he had been wilfully blind to what it meant for them. Under the scrutiny of his eagle-eyed roommates he had always played it down, insisting they were just good friends but Nick knew as well as they did that he and Jess were so much more than that.

Had anything actually changed between them? He wanted to believe that it had, that he was stronger, they were stronger, that the painful lessons they had suffered had actually taught them something. But how could he be certain?

Nick wound a towel around his waist and stuck his head out of the bathroom door to make sure there was nobody in the hallway. When he was certain the coast was clear he made a dash for his room. Standing in front of the mirror he ran a hand over his stubble. In his distraction he had completely forgotten to shave but he decided that given that it was just a rehearsal dinner he could get away with it. His sighed the kind of sigh that made his shoulders rise and fall heavily under the weight of his dilemma. Dropping his towel he pulled on some clean underwear and socks and fixed his hair in the half-assed way that only he knew how. With a couple of sprays of deodorant he turned to eye up the freshly pressed shirt that was hanging on the closet door. He pulled his smart pants and belt out of his bag and threw them on the bed. He stared at them but he made no move to put them on. What were they doing? Was this a date? If this was just friendly support then why didn't she ask Schmidt or Winston, or Cece for that matter. No, he was being stupid, he was overreacting, he was Jess' friend and he would act like it. But before he knew it he was reaching for his jeans, t-shirt and sneakers and making a break for the bedroom door but it opened before he reached it.

Nick's mouth fell open as he looked at her. She had her hair swept to one side with a pale blue dress that brought out her eyes. Her shoulders were exposed and the dim light of the room bounced off her smooth skin. She looked beautiful. It wasn't until he saw confusion cloud her delicate features that he realised he needed to explain himself.

"You're not ready? You're running a little late." She forced out a mild chuckle as she spoke but the disappointment was evident. She knew what was coming.

"Yeah um..." Nick stumbled over his words. "Jess I don't think it's such a good idea that I go." He could feel his insides lurching as he spoke, his organs churning to try and draw the words back down his throat but it was too late.

"Oh." Her face fell and her eyes dropped to the floor.

"I just think...you know...your Dad probably won't want me there. Especially with you...like that."

"Like what exactly?" She was looking at him now and he could help but notice the distinct flicker of pain and confusion in her eyes. Nick immediately wanted to take back what he had said but the words just kept coming, they were beyond his control. He wanted to go with her , her wanted to be there for her but something was stopping him. "I just think we need to be careful we don't do anything stupid Jess."

"Stupid?" She paused as her eyes glistened in the light. "That's what you think this is?" Her voice was quiet and tinged with something that made him lurch toward her but she took a step backwards.

"No Jess that's not what I meant...I just meant..."

"You know what? I got it Nick. Just forget I asked ok. I have Abby so don't worry about it." Her words were light but the voice that uttered them was shaken and unsure. She avoided his gaze and started to turn away from him to leave the room. Lunging forward he grabbed her arm gently to stop her. He willed himself to take the words back and change his mind but he froze.

"Jess wait. Please...look that came out wrong, that's not what I meant to say to you."

"Look Nick I get it, let's just drop it ok." She pulled her arm away from his, softly enough to avoid taking the argument any further but aggressively enough to leave him in no doubt that she was upset.

"Jess" He appealed to her but it was too late.

She tucked her hair behind her ear nervously and tried to force a lame, weak smile. "I'll see ya." She disappeared out of the room closing the door on him and leaving him standing alone wondering what the hell he had just done.

* * *

><p>Jess gazed out of the window of the cab, grateful that Abby was engrossed in a conversation with their cousin on her phone, she wasn't in the mood to talk just yet. She could feel stinging behind her eyes and a heavy feeling in her stomach but she swallowed repeatedly to keep herself from crying. She felt so foolish, like she had completely imagined something between them that wasn't really there. He had given her strength and support the night before and she hadn't realised how much she had needed it until it was right there in front of her. But he had let her down. She wasn't used to Nick letting her down, not like that. He had always been there when she needed him, even after their breakup when their relationship was at its lowest. Something had changed in the last 12 hours she had seen it in his eyes.<p>

Jess wasn't being blasé about the fact that they had woken up together that morning, she knew it was a big deal. The truth was she had liked it, more than liked it. She had felt safe and peaceful and there had been a thrill to it she hadn't felt in a very long time. But apparently Nick didn't feel the same way, or if he did he was running scared which unsurprisingly felt just as bad to Jess. She found herself flipping through the events of the night before like a notebook in her mind, trying to decipher things she could have misunderstood or taken the wrong way but she couldn't find anything. The sorrow in her stomach was quickly burning into a simmering anger. He had been so sweet the night before, he had said all the right words and offered his help and then he bailed at the last minute. It was so unlike him.

Nick would grumble and complain if he didn't want to do something, but if it was for one of his friends he would always do it eventually, he would always come round in the end without fail. Always. This wasn't about Bob, Jess knew that, it was about her. Them. She knew just as well as Nick how confusing things could get between them, she had never underestimated that and had always made allowances for it, as Nick had for her. But she was having a hard time excusing him this time, she was too hurt. She was hurt that he had lied, that he had bailed, that he was running away but more than than anything she was simply disappointed that she didn't have his company because it spite of everything she still wanted him there.

She blinked as the street lights started to sting her eyes and turned her head into the car to find Abby looking at her having ended her phonecall some time ago.

"What?" Jess enquired with a confused look on her face.

"I've been talking to you for the last two minutes, did you hear a word I said?"

"Sorry I was just...daydreaming I guess." Jess responded, mildly petulantly,

Abby felt a pang of guilt as she saw the look on Jess' face, she couldn't help but feel responsible for Nick's absence. Jess hadn't said anything but she didn't have to, Abby knew Nick was supposed to be there and she couldn't shake the feeling that their exchange that morning was the reason he wasn't in the cab with them. She had never intended to drive Nick away, she was just looking out for her little sister. Abby liked Nick, she had liked him from the first moment she met him but Jess came first, she was family. Jess liked to consider herself the mature, responsible one, and in a lot of respects she was but Abby had her ways of looking out for Jess without her little sister knowing and getting unduly mad. She had done it since they were kids, it was her job as the big sister. But it wasn't just that. Her and Jess were as different as sisters could be. Abby had always been like her Dad which meant expressing her feelings wasn't her strong point, she had a tough exterior so they never had to be. But Jess wasn't like that, she wore her heart on her sleeve with everyone she met. It meant everyone could see her heart and how good it was but it also left it open to be bruised. Abby could deal with it, she could take as much as the world could throw at her but she didn't want Jess to have to, after all these years Jess deserved a break.

Abby had never doubted how much Nick loved Jess, she could only dream of finding that one day but she had seen fear in Nick's eyes and where there was fear there was hesitancy and she needed Nick to be certain. She needed them both to be certain.

"You're upset about Nick aren't you?" Abby asked with trepidation.

"What? No." Jess objected incredulously.

"Come on Jess you told me he was coming tonight and he's not here. Why not?"

Jess shrugged and turned her head back to the window but Abby wasn't about to let it drop. "Jess?"

"He just wasn't in the mood for it, he made plans with the guys. It's fine, I don't care, he doesn't owe me anything. I probably shouldn't have asked him anyway, I just made things weird."

"He should have come Jess, it's not your fault."

"Isn't it?"

There was a long pause as Abby braced herself. "No...it's mine."

"What do you mean? Did you say something to him?"

"Well...sorta." Jess shifted in her seat so she was facing Abby a little more and leaned in to listen intently. "It was nothing bad Jess, it was just..."

"What?"

"It was just some advice...about you guys."

"Oh Abby." Jess whined and rolled her eyes.

Abby raised her voice a little to talk over the loud groan escaping Jess' mouth. "Look I just told him to be careful, to make sure he was certain before you guys started anything again."

"Who said we were staring anything?"

"Oh come on Jess, this is me you're talking to. I know you. Not to mention the fact that I have eyes and I can see what's going on in front of me. Look I'm not saying it's a bad thing Jess I'm just saying be sure it's want you both want. I don't want to see you get hurt and if you lose Nick it will hurt you more than anything else I could imagine."

Jess softened her voice and her face and turned back to Abby earnestly. "Well...what did he say?" Jess looked almost embarrassed to ask the question.

"He didn't really saying anything."

Jess nodded and smiled weakly "I guess he doesn't have to say anything now does he? He's made himself clear."

* * *

><p>"Thanks Mrs Day, that dinner was amazing." As the others scuttled upstairs to freshen up for their night out, Nick showed his gratitude to Joan as he placed his dish in the sink and rolled his sleeves up to begin washing up before she shooed him away and took over.<p>

"Oh please Nick call me Joan, Mrs. Day makes me feel old."

"Sorry...Joan."

"That's better."

"Why don't you let me do that, you've been in the kitchen all evening. I feel like we're taking advantage or something."

"Don't be silly Nick you're a guest, plus I enjoy it. I like having people round here to look after."

He smiled fondly. "I guess that's where Jess gets in from huh." His heart sank as he mentioned her name but he tried not to show it to her mother - but Joan was no fool. She continued to wash up taking the occasional glance at Nick as he stood quietly a few feet away from her. She could tell by the way he was loitering that he wanted to talk about something. From what she could see in front of her and from the numerous conversations she'd had with Jess, she had come to know a little something about Nick. She knew that articulating how he felt was something he struggled with. Jess was keen to point out to Joan that he had opened up a lot when they were dating but it was clear to see that the events of the past year had closed him off again. She had promised Jess she wouldn't pry but she figured she could help Nick out, it didn't look he was going anywhere until she did, so she eased into it.

"You don't want to get ready for your big night out too?" Joan smiled.

Nick frowned and looked down at his attire before furrowing his brow at Joan. "I am ready."

"Oh...you look handsome." Joan offered unnecessarily through an overly wide grin. A few more moments past and still Nick leaned with his butt against the kitchen cabinet, folding his arms uncomfortably. "So how come you're here anyway Nick, Jess told me you were going with her tonight?" Once again she turned her attention away from the dirty dishes and directly to him, seeing his face collapse just a little at her words.

"Uh...yeah I was going to but..."

"But what?" Joan enquired, trying to sound casual when really she was dying to know what was going on between the two of them.

Nick racked his brain for a reason that would sound good, believable, acceptable, one that wouldn't make him sound like a complete asshole, but he had nothing. Coupled with the fact he couldn't bring himself to lie to Joan he decided to plump for honesty but maybe he would dilute it just a little bit. He sighed heavily and closed his eyes briefly. "But... I was an idiot, that's what."

"Oh?" Joan peeled off her marigolds and turned to Nick pushing her glasses up the bridge of her nose exactly the way Jess did when she was being serious.

"I feel kind of weird talking to you about this." Nick spoke softly and honestly.

"You don't need to be worried Nick. What happens between you and Jess is your business, but if I can help then I'd like to. Jess cares about you so much, which means I care about you. If something is bothering you, you can tell me."

Nick swallowed a surprising swell of emotion in his throat, he had never expected Joan to think about him that way. He was always worried she would blame him for ruining things with Jess. "I don't know... it's just Jess and I have always had this connection. Even after everything that happened it didn't break. But lately we've been closer, like a lot closer and it has sort of started to feel like things might be happening again...maybe"

"And that's a bad thing?"

"No!" Nick objected as Joan barely got the words out. "It's just we haven't talked about it, any of it and I don't know how she feels. I can't do it again if there is a risk it won't work. I just can't do it again." Nick tried to smooth the worry lines from his forehead with his fingertips.

"Nick honey, there is always a risk. Life has no guarantees, certainly not when it come to relationships. Trust me, I know a thing or two about that."

Nick lowered his head in embarrassment. He had made the conversation all about him without considering what Joan could be going through at a time like this. He made up his mind to change the subject but Joan didn't give him the chance as she continued. "You're a grown man Nick and you know as well as I do that sometimes risks don't pay off and that's hard but sometimes that do and they can be the most amazing thing that'll ever happened to you. You've just got to decide one thing."

"What?"

"Is Jess worth the risk?"

* * *

><p>As Jess checked her coat she instantly spotted her father through the glass doors wearing the biggest smile she had seen him wear in years. She felt a small grin creep across her face at the sight of him and it felt good. Maybe Nick had been right, maybe their happiness was all it would take to make her feel content and stop the longing for a fairytale ending that was never going to happen. Her chest tightened a little at the thought of him but she pushed it away. This was her father's evening and she wasn't going to ruin it with her melancholy. As Bob spotted her and Abby walking down the hallway, he bounded toward them as fast as his stocky frame would allow. His glee was infectious, making Jess and Abby exchange a quick giggle before he reached them, gathering them up in a double hug.<p>

"There are my girls." He bellowed in their ears making them both screw up their faces and squint at the volume.

"Hey Dad." They spoke in unison.

As they pulled back Jess quickly surveyed the room and spotted Ashley smiling and showing off her ring, looking genuinely happy. She wished they had spent more time to get to know each other prior to the wedding but everything seemed to happen so fast, there wasn't nearly enough time. She had no reason to doubt Ashley though, not any more. Yeah she had a somewhat colourful past but she was just a young woman looking marry the man she had fallen in love with. Jess figured maybe her and Ashley had more in common than they first thought and anyone who made her Dad smile the way he did earned her respect and affection.

As the evening rolled on Jess made nice with all of Ashley's family and worked excruciatingly hard to avoid the unwanted attention of Ashley's over-amorous brother who seemed to be rather pleased with how she had developed since highschool. But, over zealous flirtations aside, the anticipation of the evening had been much, much worse than the actual event. In her head she had imagined the family from hell who would spend the whole evening secretly congratulating Ashley in a darkened corner for fooling her father and making him fall for some grand plan. Now that Jess realised how overactive and irrational her imagination had been she felt ridiculous.

After a while Jess decided to take a breather from the polite conversation and sat down to enjoy a glass of champagne where Bob found her after hours of mingling with familiar and unfamiliar faces. As he sat, Jess reached for her Dad's hand and squeezed it gently.

"Sooo how are you feeling? Are you excited? Nervous?" Jess spoke with muted glee.

"I feel great. Tomorrow can't come fast enough.

"I'm pleased Dad."

"You are honey?" Bob asked sincerely and hopefully.

"Of course. I'm glad you have someone again, I hate to think of you on your own and you look really happy. That makes me happy. Look Dad I'm sorry I wasn't so accepting of all this in the beginning."

"Jess we've talked about this honey, it's ok."

"No it's not. I need you to know that your happiness is all the matters to me, I see that now and I should have known it all along but I was selfish. It wasn't part of whatever crazy plan I had in mind and so I acted badly. I didn't give Ashley a fair shot and I should have. She's great Dad."

Bob smiled and glanced over at his finance before turning back to Jess after a few moments had passed. "Well Jess...maybe I could say the same thing."

"What do you mean?"

"Look Jess, on paper Abby is exactly like me and you are exactly like your mother, but you and I have a little more in common than you think. We're both passionate when it comes to the people in our lives and if things don't go perfectly or how we expect them to we dig our heels in and we don't always say the right things." Bob looked off into the distance like he was done talking but he wasn't, his face was pensive, a little sorrowful even. "It was exactly what I did with your friend Nick."

Jess' head snapped up at the sound of Nick's name and her eyes fixed to her father's. Bob had been stubborn about Nick and for the longest time he hadn't taken back what he said, in spite of how much Jess fell more and more in love with him. Jess had just about started to accept that her Dad would never approve of Nick when it seemed like she was suddenly on the verge of an apology.

"Jess, I knew you were going to react strongly to Ashley, but I guess it still hurt when you reacted as strongly as you did. Then I realised that I did it to you... with Nick. You were happy and I...well I spoiled things. You were right, I didn't know him and I'm sorry. You should have got this apology a long time ago Jess but you know me, I'm an old man and I'm stubborn." He nudged her playfully and smiled mischievously. "You get that from me too kid."

Jess laughed and rested her head on her Dad's shoulder. "Thanks Dad."

* * *

><p>Nick was more than familiar with the sounds of a busy bar but tonight it was getting to him, the din was grinding harshly against his ears making him irritable. He took a hefty sip of his beer to numb himself a little to his surroundings but it didn't really work. Every now and again he would filter out the voice of one of his friends and contribute just enough words to the conversation to make it seem like he was paying attention. He wasn't in the mood, he wasn't sure why he had let his friends talk him into it. He should have been with Jess, failing that Joan's wise words back at the house were comforting him but a busy, noisy bar wasn't what he needed. The other guys weren't being particularly mindful that they had a wedding to go to the following day as he watched them throw back yet another tequila. The pile of lemon slices on the table was stacking up quite nicely. Nick had been sneaking his to the table of grateful college students behind him, so far he hadn't been caught.<p>

He found himself wondering what Jess was doing and he checked his phone incessantly. Why, he wasn't sure, after all he should have been the one calling her to apologise and make things right. He didn't think it was in his nature to let Jess down, he had always done whatever it was she needed to make sure she was ok. But now she wasn't ok and it was his fault. How could he do that to her? How could he embarrass her like that and make her feel like she was a mistake. Jess was a lot of things but she would never ever be a mistake to him. He didn't regret waking up with her or almost kissing her, he didn't regret any of it, he was just scared. She probably was too and he had left her to deal with it all on her own. Nick closed his eyes in revulsion at his own behaviour. He could feel panic start to rise up from his toes giving him restless legs and causing him to shift uncomfortably in his seat. He slammed his bottle down on the table finally drawing the attention of the other guys.

"Nicholas would you lighten up, you've been sitting there like a sour puss all night." Schmidt ordered with a mild slur to his voice.

"Yeah man you ok?" Winston asked with a little more concern and affection for his obviously troubled friend.

Nick didn't answer, instead stood up swiftly like he was ready to take flight any second. "Schmidt give me your jacket."

Schmidt squinted his eyes and reared his head back a little. "I most certainly will not. This is a $400 jacket Nick and there is no way to be certain whether or not you're wearing deodorant tonight."

"Schmidt!" Nick barked sternly but immediately softened when he saw the slight look of shock on his friend's face. "Look I'm sorry, can I please borrow your jacket, it's important."

Groaning, Schmidt stood and began to wriggle out of his jacket, handing it to Nick with confusion etched all over his face. Nick threw the jacket around his shoulders and straightened out his collar to smarten himself up. Tucking in his shirt he started to edge away from the table and turned to leave.

"Wait where are you going?" Cece called after him.

"I have somewhere I need to be."

Cece watched the back of his head disappear out the door and smiled.


	5. Chapter 5

Nick paced slowly backwards down the street with his hand in the air trying to hail a cab, but the Friday rush of nightime revellers was working against him. He huffed and sighed loudly drawing the attention of people walking by him and earning him a few strange looks but he didn't care. He needed to get to Jess before time allowed any niggling doubts or fears to creep back into his head. He had no idea what he was going to say or do, he rarely did when it came to Jess but the sight of her would usually inspire something spontaneous from deep within him. Part of him couldn't believe they were back here, back to a point where feelings between them had become something to be discussed and explored again. Back to a point where touches of the hand meant the world and eye contact lasted just a little bit too long. He never thought he would see Jess look at him like that again. In the last few months he had seen her look that way at Ryan and it had killed him.

He never let her know that, how could he? His fear of scaring her and driving her away and his guilt over having those thoughts when he was still with Kai had kept him in check. He figured it was natural to feel those pangs of sorrow and jealousy, he and Jess had a history and it couldn't be erased just like that. He had told himself it was to be expected, to ignore it, that it didn't mean anything and that's the way it had stayed all this time. One word would have ruined her happiness and he could never allow himself to be responsible for that, he cared about her too much. She thought he was fine and he had let her think that but he wasn't sure he could do it anymore. The same urge that had driven him to kiss her that night in the hallway was the same urge that had gotten him in this cab. The strong, overwhelming feeling of reaching the limit of pretence and having no other option but to act on what he wanted.

As a cab rushed by him and slowed to a stop it was momentary but welcome distraction. As he spotted a group of guys making their way toward it he picked up his pace to a jog and almost threw himself in the back seat, holding up a sympathetic hand to them in a weak and insincere apology. After giving the driver the address he leaned back in his seat and allowed his head to drop hard against the back of the seat. He took a deep breath to try and slow his heart down as it pounded in his chest but the nerves in his belly kept it beating strong and hard. He couldn't switch his brain off, even for just a second to calm himself down. He wondered if that crazy girl would ever have any idea what she did to him.

He found himself wondering if Jess had these same thoughts. He considered if it was possible that Jess and Ryan's relationship suffered the same fate as his and Kai's for the same reasons. Had Jess ever drawn comparisons between her feelings for Ryan and her feelings for him? Was it possible he had been a factor in any way. Nick sighed heavily and squeezed his aching eyes shut as he exhausted himself with his own thoughts. Trying to figure out the intricacies of someone else's mind when they were holding back from you was next to impossible.

The truth was, in all their time together he and Jess had never really, truly spoken about how they felt. They said they loved each other all the time and in the beginning Nick had opened up to let her know how serious he was, to let her know it wasn't just a fling. But they had never told each other just how much they loved each other, what it meant to them, how it had changed them. She had changed him, she had changed him more that she would ever know, she felt like a part of him now and he knew he would never have that with anyone else. He couldn't let that go, not again. Nick reached deep in his mind and pulled out every image of her he could find, every memory he had of them laughing, talking, making love and simply being together, he remembered every thought he had ever had about her since the moment she walked through the door until the fear was squashed so low down in his belly he couldn't feel it any more.

He pictured her face and smiled.

* * *

><p>Schmidt hugged his arms tight round himself dramatically as they stumbled back to Joan's house. He huffed out loud puffs of air to ensure he grabbed everyone's attention. Forcing a fake shiver he incurred the chuckles of everyone around him but still he continued his one man act. "Where the hell did Nick go, I'm officially chilly?" He moaned, wearing the face of a scolded toddler.<p>

Cece shook her head at him and smiled at his complete and somewhat drunken naivety "Where do you think he is Schmidt?"

"Well it's one thing to take my jacket to hit on some fancy pants girls at the bar but it is quite another to expose it to a night of seedy debauchery. I swear if he gets one stain on that thing I will kill him. I will just kill him." Schmidt complained, stamping his feet a little harder as he walked.

"You're such a dummy Schmidt." Winston laughed cheekily without offering to help him out. He was enjoying the silliness too much.

"What? You're the dummy." Schmidt argued taking a few seconds to consider Winston's statement. "Why am I a dummy? Why else would Nick disappear with a jacket that is worth more tips than he will make in a year."

Cece stopped a few feet behind them causing Schmidt to stop and turn around. Smirking, she positioned her index finger against her chin sarcastically pondering the options. "Um jeez I don't know...to go to a wedding rehearsal dinner maybe. How blind are you Schmidt?"

Schmidt's ignorance was both surprising and not at the same time. Schmidt prided himself on knowing Nick inside out but sometimes his own self-absorption would get in the way. Not to mention the fact the his preoccupation with the brunette standing in front of him of late had left him a little more tuned out of Nick's movements than usual. As Cece's words registered, the annoyance on his face faded and his whole demeanour softened...momentarily. "He's with Jess?!" Schmidt stepped toward Cece eagerly with wide-eyed excitement. "Is something going on? What's happening? Why don't I know about this, Nick is my best friend? If something is going on with him and Jess I should have been the first person to know about it." Schmidt's face went through a wide range of emotions in a short space of time until eventually he landed back on mild furiousness at being left out of the loop.

"Take it easy Schmidt." Winston smiled, coming to stand next to Cece he levelled his hands to calm Schmidt down.

"I will not, this is a big deal and you guys just spring this on me now."

"Surely you've seen this coming." Cece laughed in disbelief at his obliviousness."They've been flirting with each other like crazy."

"They always flirt." Schmidt argued."

"They're together _all_ the time." Winston offered."

"Yeah, they're always together. What makes this time so different?"

"It just is." Cece spoken pensively as she and Winston exchanged knowing glances.

They had all discussed the possibility of Nick and Jess getting back together one day. Even watching them go off and date other people hadn't changed that because they knew them too well and they could read them better than Nick and Jess would ever know. The clueless couple may have thought they were playing a cool game, keeping up an act of 'being fine', 'being over it' and 'being happy' but it was all talk and nobody knew that better than Winston and Cece. They had known Nick and Jess since they were kids, they had both seen partners come and go and helped to clear up the mess they had left behind. They had witnessed everything from heartbreak to elation. They had seen them fall hard for people and they had seen them run away screaming but they had never seen anyone have an affect on them the way they did on each other. They had never known two people to be so in sync with one another and while they had never said anything so bold to Nick and Jess, they had always found the reasons for their breakup to be completely absurd. Although they liked Kai and Ryan, deep down Winston and Cece had both known they wouldn't go the distance because Nick and Jess had never truly let each other go.

* * *

><p>Jess swirled her champagne around in her glass, watching intently as the bubbles caught the candlelight in front of her. She found herself staring off into the distance until the delicate sound of a knife tapping against glass roused her from her daydream. As she raised her head to pay attention to the speech her father was about to make she noticed Ashley's brother, Joe, was still sitting uncomfortably close to her, prattling on drunkenly about something she couldn't even begin fathom out. As she saw her father stand she signalled semi-politely for Joe to stop talking, which he complied with for the first time that evening. Once she had tuned out the hideously annoying vibe radiating from Joe, she looked on at her father proudly as he talked. Ashley had softened him a little it seemed, and although she loved her dad just the way he was, it wasn't an unwelcome adjustment.<p>

She imagined that once upon a time he had talked about her mother the way he was talking about Ashley in that moment, but rather than fighting any feelings of bitterness or contempt, she found herself smiling, The truth was, her Dad still spoke about her Mom fondly even after everything. It had been hard for Jess not to focus on the problems that had torn them apart because she had been faced with it so often growing up. She had never given them enough credit for remaining friends and finding the strength to stay in each other's lives. She had never appreciated how rare it was and how hard they must have worked for it until she found herself in the same situation.

Maybe Nick was right, maybe they shouldn't tempt fate. Her parents knew not to go back, that they were better as friends, what's to say her and Nick were any different? But Jess didn't know if they were even capable of a truly platonic relationship now. What she had with Schmidt, Coach and Winston, that was platonic but it had always been different with Nick. Even before she had admitted any feelings to him, or to herself, she always knew that they had something unique, something she had never had with any other guy before. Was it a mistake to leave that unacknowledged or was it a mistake to risk it by trying something they had already failed at once before.?

Jess' head was starting hurt, whether it was the champagne or the unrelenting cycle of questions in her head she wasn't sure, she just knew she needed some air. Once her dad had completed his toast and everyone was nicely distracted by the desserts which were being brought out, Jess waited until Joe's head was turned and sloped out for some air.

* * *

><p>Jess inhaled deeply as the cool night air hit her. She wandered across the balcony to lean against the railings, resting her elbows on the cool metal she looked at the people in the street below, the sound of their voices faint but recognisable. The evening had been lovely but it felt good to get a few moments on her own. At least she thought she was on her own.<p>

"Hey there she is. Where d'ya go?" A voice slurred behind her.

Rolling her eyes she turned around reluctantly to find Joe standing a few feet behind her. "I just needed some air. I'll be back inside in a few minutes so why don't you go in and wait for me."

"Nah I could use some air too. Phew that champagne has really gone to my head! I can get a little talkative when I'm drunk so if I'm talking too much you just tell me ok?"

"Yeah I tried that." Jess muttered under her breath.

Joe took a few more steps toward her. "I can get a little flirty too." He grinned, with heavy eyelids. "But I'm sure you won't mind that." He trailed the back of his hand gently down the top of her arm making her skin crawl.

"Look Joe this isn't going to happen so why don't you just go back inside."

He dropped his hands back down by his sides and pouted petulantly. "Why not? We've spent the whole even together."

"No _you've_ spent the whole evening with _me_ Joe."

"Same difference. Come on, haven't I at least earned a little kiss?"

"No. You haven't. Can I please just have ten minutes to myself." She pleaded softly, trying to appeal to the more sober side of him, hoping it was in there somewhere. Ignoring her request, he rested his hand on her hip and swayed against her seductively. "Come on it's a special occasion. Don't you want to have a little fun? We gotta do this now before we become family." He prodded, wiggling his eyebrows provocatively making Jess grimace as her stomach lurched with nausea.

"She said she's not interested buddy!" A stern voice came out of nowhere immediately drawing Jess and Joe's attention to the other side of the balcony. Jess' heart dropped down into her stomach as she saw Nick standing there, looking distinctly unimpressed with the sight that lay before him.

"And who are you exactly?" Joe chuckled sarcastically, trying to make his eyes bring Nick into focus.

"I'm her friend and I need to talk to her...alone... so why don't you just go back inside pal." Nick tried to reason in his most mature voice but he found it hard to suppress his revulsion and anger at the guy who still had his hands all over Jess. His Jess.

"Yeah well this is a private event man, invitation only so..."

"I was invited." Nick kept his eyes on Jess as he spoke but as she pushed Joe off her harshly, she directed her eyes to the ground.

Sensing the atmosphere between Jess and the new addition to the party, Joe decided he was too drunk to deal with any dramas. He stumbled forward and planted a kiss on Jess' cheek, ignoring the sudden lunge forward from Nick at his action. After grunting his annoyance at Nick, he threw back the rest of his champagne and retreated back inside leaving a thick silence behind him. Feeling brave, Nick took a few steps closer to Jess who still wouldn't look him in the eye.

"Oh so now you're a willing guest?" Jess muttered under her breath. She meant to thank him for rescuing her from Joe's clutches but it seemed like she was more mad at him than she thought. But the cold shoulder wasn't enough to make Nick give up.

"I'm sorry Jess."

Jess chewed the side of her mouth nervously. "Yeah well the dinner is almost over so you might as well just leave Nick. Thanks for coming." She bowed her head, picked up her dress and started to make her way towards the door but Nick continued to step towards her to let her know he had no intention of leaving.

"No Jess wait please."

"What?"

"Look I didn't come here to fight. I don't want to fight with you. I want to say I'm sorry."

"For what exactly?" Jess dropped her arms heavily by her sides in tired exasperation. She didn't even need his apology, she didn't know what she needed but she couldn't listen to any more words of sorriness and regret. They had said it all to each other and they were way beyond that now.

"For not being here. I should have been here for you."

Jess paused as the look of sincerity on Nick's face hit her hard in the chest, she wanted to go to him but she was still hurt, she couldn't just give into him so easily. She wanted something to change between, for the weight of the tension between them to lift, but the sting in her heart still lingered. Eventually her pride won out over any act of bravery she might have felt stirring. "No you know what Nick? I think you were right."

"What do you mean?"

"You were right, we shouldn't confuse things. I mean we've been spending a lot of time together and maybe..."

"Maybe what Jess?" His voice was clipped with panic.

"Maybe it's too much maybe we need to take a breather so things don't get...complicated."

Nick shook his head immediately rejecting her protests. "No, that's not what I want Jess. That's not what you want either." He sounded resolute and confident. She only ever saw him this way when they were discussing their relationship. She wanted to argue with him but her response was quiet and feeble as his eyes melted her determination."How do you know what I want?"

"Because I know you." He took another step toward her, his confidence growing as he saw her anger slowly start to dissipate. "I know what it means when you look at me the way you did last night." He saw Jess clench her jaw, her throat bobbing up and down as she swallowed hard at this words. He wanted to touch her so badly but they were hanging by a thin thread and he had to treat everything with care. He edged toward her slowly, comforted by the fact she didn't move away. He saw a thousand emotions flicker across her face as his words resonated with her over and over again. He softened his voice to match the new found atmosphere of raw emotion they found themselves surrounded by. "Being away from each other is not what we need Jess."

"So what happened earlier then Nick?" Her voice was tinged with sorrow and disappointment now, rather than anger, as her vulnerability showed.

He shook his head trying to push the memory of his actions away. "I don't know I panicked."

"About what?"

"About us!

Jess' heart started to pound as the words left his mouth, suddenly everything had become very real, the thing they had avoided for months now was suddenly facing them head on and it was overwhelming. Now she was the one beginning to panic. She shook her head and started to turn away from him, leaning her back against the railings to steady herself. "Nick, nothing happened."

"Come on Jess. You know that's not true." His eyes appealed to hers earnestly and openly, willing her acknowledge '_them' _even when he had failed. "What do you want Jess?" His was low and quiet and made for only her to hear.

Jess sighed with exasperation and pushed her body upright as a surge of energy shot through her. "It's not that simple Nick. You can just put it all on me to figure everything out."

"I'm not." Nick raised his voice just a little. "I just want to know how you feel."

"Well how do you feel?" She urged back. There was a long silence as fear froze them both to the spot. The words that flowed so freely in their minds had the opposite effect on their bodies as they stood motionless. Scared to walk away and scared to stay. "Nick please say something." She begged as the thick emotion made her voice hitch. When she got no answer she turned away from him once again before he could see the sting of tears that were building up behind her eyes. But before she knew it she was being pulled into his arms. One circled around her waist while the other caressed her face firmly as his lips covered hers. She inhaled sharply and her body tensed up until she was standing rigid in his arms, her hands hanging by her sides, loose with uncertainty. Her lips responded to his and opened slightly but didn't move as her brain took a few moments to catch up with what was happening. Undeterred he moved his fingers to the back of her neck, threading them in her hair and pulling her lips more firmly against his. As his mouth slid against hers with determination and his tongue begged entry she could feel a heat running through her body and her muscles started to melt. Her hands drifted slowly up the sides of his body until they came round to clutch his back, she fisted Schmidt's expensive jacket in her hands and then with no warning the kiss had control of her. It felt so familiar and yet more exciting than it had ever been.

Months and months of heartbreak, yearning and missing each other poured into the kiss which grew more and more intense by the second catching them both off guard. They couldn't get enough as they tried to draw each other in further and further, trying to show everything they had found it so hard to say. Her hands rose to circle his shoulders, clutching the short hair at the back of his neck to pull his lips closer to hers. Their breathing was hard and heavy as they refused to break the kiss even for a second. The pressed and pulled at each other until there was no oxygen left in their lungs. Eventually they succumbed to the demands of their heaving chests and pulled apart, their foreheads resting gently together as they recovered.

As her limbs fell limp, Jess allowed her hands to drop down to his chest, she could feel his heart pounding hard against her palm. Her eyes fluttered closed as his thumb caressed her cheek softly. She could feel his breath dusting her lips, slowing gradually as did hers.

"What are we doing?" She whispered.

"I don't know. I just...I had to kiss you Jess." He whispered with perfect honesty. She curled her fingers, gripping his shirt at his words and tugged him closer to her. "I'm sorry I've been an idiot Jess I'm just..."

"Scared?" She finished for him.

"Yeah." He pulled his head back from hers and tucked her hair softly behind her ear, his eyes never leaving hers.

She smiled as a breath of relief pushed hard out of her lungs. "Me too" she gasped as she trailed her hand softly down his cheek, the pad of her thumb briefly touching his lips as she savoured the feel of them against hers. Nick kept his arms locked around her as her small waist fit perfectly in his hands, he wasn't sure he could ever let her go, he was scared to. They both stood in silence for a few moments, the sound of their breathing the only thing filling the quiet air. They caressed each other's face like they hadn't seen each other in years, their fingertips memorising every square inch.

"Nick?"

"Yeah?"

"What do we do now?"

"I guess we need to talk."


	6. Chapter 6

Cece made her way up the garden path with the three other guys stumbling slowly and inelegantly behind her. At the front door she squinted her eyes to bring the lock into focus as she wiggled the key in it as quietly as she could. She had spent many a day at Jess' house growing up and Joan had given Cece her very own key when she was 13. After her father died she remembered letting herself in there late at night and creeping up to Jess' room when she didn't want to sleep alone. She had nothing but good memories of the house and she remembered every nook and cranny well. As the door gave way she knew exactly how far she could push it before it would let out a loud creak. She held it in place as the guys made their way past her one by one, bumping into her gently on their way. Cece closed the door and spun round to hit the light switch like a ninja before anyone banged into anything waking up Joan. She wasn't that sober herself but she appeared to be demonstrating a little more finesse than the others.

She was hoping they would make their way upstairs to sleep the night off but her heart sank as she saw them bundling into the kitchen to grab a snack. Peeling off her heels she charged after them but it was too late as she found them with their heads already buried in the fridge, pulling out various luncheon meats and cheese. Gritting her teeth she marched up to them snatching it out of their hands.

"No guys! This is not the loft you can't just go eating everything in sight. It's not your fridge." Cece snapped in an angry whisper as she started to stack the food back on the shelf.

"Joan has been feeding us since we got here she won't mind." Coach whined as his eyes became heavier and heavier.

"_I_ mind! Come on guys, be respectful. Bed now! All of you."

Huffing out their disapproval Winston and Coach reluctantly trudged out of the kitchen but Schmidt hung behind defiantly.

"Come on Schmidt." Cece stood with her hands on her hips as she tried to get the '_kids'_ in order.

"But I'm not tired." Schmidt whined childishly. "Why don't you stay up and talk to me for a little while."

"No it's late Schmidt."

"Come on just one more drink."

"Neither of us needs any more to drink."

"Cocoa then." He offered expectantly. "Just one." He worked his best smile and puppy dog eyes hoping she would fall for it the way she used to. Cece tried to fight her smile but it betrayed her. With a loud sigh of defeat she turned to grab the jar of cocoa out of the cupboard behind her. She bit her lip to curtail he wry smile and pushed the jar playfully but firmly against his chest making him bounce joyously toward the stove like a kid on too much sugar.

* * *

><p>The tension was palpable and the silence heavy as Nick and Jess sat next to one another on a small balcony bench with a deliberate distance between them. The passion and bravado had left them, now all that was left was nerves and insecurity once again. They both sat with their hands clasped in their laps, playing anxiously with their fingers and looking everywhere but at each other. Nick had made the sensible suggestion that they talk it out but it was easier said than done. It all came down to who would be brave enough to say the words first and in spite of their recent actions neither of them were feeling particularly brave.<p>

"One of us is going to have to say something at some point." Jess laughed nervously.

"I know." Nick nodded as he finally met her eyes. "I don't want to say the wrong thing I guess."

They smiled at each other, their eyes flickering to each other's mouths as their lips continued to tingle from the most intense kiss they had ever shared. It was taking all Nick's strength not to lean over and kiss her again but as amazing as it had felt it wasn't what he had come here for. Kissing her and touching her was the easy part but he needed answers, they both did. He needed to follow his heart and for once in his life he needed to say what he was feeling, he couldn't just kiss her and hope for the best, they were too far past that now and there was too much at stake.

"_That's_ not what I came here for Jess."

"Oh" Jess reared her head back as her face fell at his words.

"No, no wait that came out wrong!" Nick spat frantically as he saw Jess' face collapse. "I wanted to kiss you, of course I wanted to kiss you I'm just...I'm so nervous right now Jess."

She shuffled closer to him closing the gap until their thighs touched and grabbed his hand, lacing her fingers through his the way she had done the night before. "It's _me_ Nick."

"I know. That's why I'm so nervous." He locked his eyes on their joined hands and blew a nervous breath forcefully out of his mouth making his cheeks blow out like little bubbles. "You mean so much to me Jess and I can't bear the thought of screwing this up but I don't know what to say here, I don't know what it's ok for me to say or do. I don't want to scare you away but I don't want you to think that I don't care." He was rambling, he could hear it as his mouth tried desperately to keep up with his brain which was running at a thousand miles an hour. Jess squeezed his hand harder to try to calm him and bring his attention back to her.

"Nick stop." She spoke tenderly. "It's ok to be confused about all this, you don't think I am?"

Nick turned and his eyes burned into her with powerful intensity. "That's just it Jess. I'm not confused."

Jess' breath hitched in her throat and her eyes widened at his honesty. She had no idea what was to follow but butterflies started to stir wildly in her belly. She clasped harder at his hand for reassurance which he reciprocated. She opened her mouth to speak but she didn't get the chance.

"Jess honey!" A high pitched female voice called out across the balcony. Jess closed her eyes and gritted her teeth at the interruption while Nick sat back heavily in his seat, letting go of her hand to run it roughly across his face in exasperation at yet another intrusion. Jess hung her head in defeat as the sound of high heels clicking across the ground got louder and louder as Ashley neared her. "Jess honey, there you are. My Grandparents are leaving and they really want to say goodbye to you. My Grandpa has taken a bit of shine to you so I said I would come hunt you down." Ashley beamed, linking her arm through Jess' and jiggling it excitedly.

"Uh sure yeah, I'll be inside in just a second."

Jess did as well as she could to hide her disappointment at the ill timing but Ashley had become immediately preoccupied by Nick's presence anyway. Wriggling her arm free of Jess' she stepped towards him enthusiastically holding out her hands and wiggling her fingers to encourage him into a hug. "There you are Nick, I was starting to think Jess was hiding you away. Then again I wouldn't blame her." Ashley giggled, winking mischievously back at Jess who offered a weak smile.

In spite of his annoyance Nick remembered his manners and returned her hug. "It's good to see you Ashley. You all excited for the big day tomorrow?"

"Oh my goodness I can't wait. I thought I would be nervous but I'm just so excited. I'm so glad all you guys are here, it's just going to make tomorrow so special." Ashley's arm still lingered around Nick's shoulders and she gave him another affectionate squeeze as her excitement overcame her. "Ooh someone's been working out." She laughed flirtatiously as she jokingly squeezed his bicep.

"Um not really." Nick smiled politely trying to hide his embarrassment but Ashley was oblivious.

"Honestly Jess I don't know how you get anything done surrounded by all these hot guys." She joked as she walked by them both on her way back inside. "That Ryan, he was a looker too, phew. How you keep letting all these gorgeous men go I will never understand." Ashley chuckled naively and sipped her champagne as she tottered coquettishly back inside.

Jess knew what Ashley had said was harmless, she was kidding, there was no malice to it at all but in that moment she could've strangled her for mentioning Ryan. Jess had seen Nick's face change in an instant as the name rang out and she felt him pull away. The heart that she had seen beating so openly on his sleeve moments ago was locked away again. Nick had never been petulant or jealous about Ryan, certainly not just at the mention of his name, but Ashley had caught him at a vulnerable moment and it was just enough to shake his confidence. When Jess was certain the door behind her had closed she stepped closer to Nick and grabbed for his hands eagerly, trying in vain to recapture the moment but it was too late. As her fingers curled tightly around his hand, his grasp was slack and his fingers weak.

"Nick?" She prodded.

"Why don't you go inside Jess. I'll wait here."

"I still want to talk about this."

"We will." Finally he squeezed her hands back affectionately. "Later ok."

* * *

><p>Nick edged his way through the door to the venue slowly and watched from afar as Jess said her goodbyes to some people his didn't recognise. Jess was by far the most beautiful person in the room, he thought to himself, then again she always was. Everyone else seemed to blur and fade to grey around her as she lit up. His eyes were content as they settled on her beauty but his mind was still restless, he had spent weeks, months, worrying about her rejecting him and now he was having a hard time processing that she had kissed him back. Really kissed him. He had been seconds away from pouring his heart out to her and telling her exactly what he wanted but the fates were conspiring against him yet again it seemed.<p>

He couldn't lie, the mention of Ryan had ruffled his feathers, not because he was jealous, which he was sure is what Jess had assumed, but because the sound of Ryan's name reminded him how detached he and Jess had become for a time. It reminded him just how bad it felt to lose her and how hard it was to watch her search for something in another guy that he had failed to give her. But whatever it was Jess was looking for, she had failed to find it in Ryan too.

Jess had ended things with Ryan three days after Nick had finished with Kai but there had been warning signs with Kai, there were obstacles towards the end that everybody had noticed, including Jess. While there had been sympathy and affection, there had been a distinct lack of surprise when Nick informed his friends that his relationship was over. The same couldn't be said for Jess though, nobody had seen that coming. Least of all Nick.

Nick had arrived home after a long shift at work that night, the kind of shift he took on when he wanted to distract himself from his personal life. The loft was dark and quiet like it always was at that time of night and like clock work he had padded to the kitchen, grabbed a cold beer and settled into his well-formed groove in the sofa, flicking channels between old horror movies and seventies cops shows. The sound of the key in the lock had made his heart jump into his throat. The apartment was usually his at that time of night, he wasn't used to company. Dimly lit in the soft light of the loft, her face had registered a small smile at him from the doorway before her expression collapsed under the weight of emotion. Nick had barely had time to sit forward in the time it took for her to stride across the room and fall into his arms, burying her face into his neck and soaking his shirt with her tears. She didn't tell him what had happened, she didn't need to, she just needed him to be there. They had sat together for what felt like hours, he had held her, stroked her hair and soothed her back gently until she had fallen asleep against him, exhausted by her own tears. Even without saying a word that was the most she had ever confided in him about Ryan.

As Nick expertly avoided Bob until his big day, he watched from the sidelines as Jess weaved her way through the guests towards him. Grabbing his hand she wordlessly pulled him towards the door and outside. Just as she was about to descend the steps towards a passing cab he squeezed her hand and pulled her back. She turned with a look of surprise at his sudden action but it soon softened into a smile when she caught his eyes and a wave of excitement shot through her at the prospect of what could be happening between them. She rested her hand gently on his chest in anticipation that he might kiss her again but he didn't make a move, he just looked at her. She furrowed her brows quizzically but maintained her smile as he stood in silence, his mouth hanging open to speak but no words coming out. She stepped closer to him and rested both hands on his strong chest, rubbing gently to encourage him to open up. It worked.

"Jess can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

There was a long pause as his mind screamed at him to keep quiet. "Never mind." He started to walk away but this time she pulled him back.

"Hey wait, what were you gonna say?"

There was another silence which Nick took several moments to fill. "I guess there's just something I need to know before we...do anything."

"What?" A feeling of unease settled in her stomach at the look on his face.

"Why did you break up with Ryan. I mean you never actually told me."

"What?" Jess laughed nervously at the same time as she let go of both his hands and took a step backwards. "Of course I told you." She tried to leave again but he didn't follow.

"No you didn't."

Jess sighed loudly as irritation started to creep into her voice. It wasn't a simple answer and it wasn't an answer that Jess was ready to give to him yet. "You really want to talk about him now Nick. I thought we were talking about _us_."

"We are ...but I think it might be part of that."

"This is silly Nick."

"Why won't you tell me Jess, you tell me everything?"

"Well why did you break up with Kai?" In her discomfort she tried ineffectively to turn the tables which only served to make Nick push further.

"You know why. I told you. It just wasn't working."

"Yeah well it was the same with me and Ryan."

"That doesn't make sense Jess because everything seemed fine between you two, then you just ended it out of nowhere."

"What do you want me to say?"

"I want you to tell me the truth. Why won't you tell me?"

"There's nothing to tell Nick can we just drop it. Why are you spoiling this?"

"I'm not trying to spoil anything I just don't want us to hold things back from each other, otherwise this thing won't work Jess."

"This '_thing'_!"

"Come on Jess don't turn this into something. I just thought you might be ready to talk to be about it but obviously I was wrong."

A silence descended upon them as they both stood there trying to figure out why they were fighting when they had been in in other's arms half an hour ago. It seemed the enormity of the night's events was too much for them to process. Jess composed herself and started down the steps.

"You know it's late why don't we just go home and talk about this tomorrow."

* * *

><p>The cab ride home had been quiet but the volume of Nick's internal torment was excruciating. Why did he have to bring Ryan up? Why couldn't he just let it go? They had come so close and now he had set them back to the start again. All he could think was how much he wanted to kiss her again, to turn to her and make her forget all the stupid things he had said, to make her look at him they way she had when she was in his arms. She was too mad to look at him now, he had touched a nerve and as he turned to her he could see that she had become lost in her head, mulling over and over what he had asked her. He continued to stare at her as the passing street lights illuminated her face momentarily.<p>

She could feel him staring at her, she wanted nothing more than to turn to him and feel his lips on hers again but it wasn't as simple as that. There was still so much for them to talk about, Nick knew that too or he wouldn't have asked her about her relationship with Ryan. She knew it would be hard for them to open up to each other again but she never imagined it would be this hard. Nick was the single most important person in her life and the thought of putting herself out there again only to lose him was terrifying. Now they had inadvertently involved themselves in a torturous game of who would say it first, which of them was fearless enough to put their heart on the line. Jess had the chance and she didn't take it, her fear had got the better of her and she had put her defences up and picked a fight with him and now here there were, sitting in silence when silence was the only thing that was now keeping them apart.

Fifteen minutes later Nick leaned forward in his seat to pay the cab driver but Jess had already vacated the car and was making her way up the garden path. He shook his head in defeat and slowly started to follow behind her. He knew emotions were high and it wasn't the first time that Jess' behaviour had left him utterly confused but her inability to open up to him was making him nervous. He was the emotionally inarticulate one not her, he was the one who struggled to explain his feelings, not her. It was then Nick realised just how scared Jess was, perhaps even more scared than him. She held the door open for him but continued to evade his gaze as he walked by her, brushing against the front of her body slightly. He wanted for them to get a cop of hot chocolate and sit on the coach talking all night the way they had done the night before, he wanted them to lay everything on the tables until the early hours of the morning but as he watched her weary figure disappear up the stairs he realised that wasn't going to happen. Not tonight.

They paused at the top of the stairs and chanced a look at each other in the safety of the darkened hallway but even in the dark they could see the confusion and desperation in each other's eyes. Both opened their mouth to speak and both failed. Jess waited for several moments but all she could find were words of little use.

"Goodnight Nick." She whispered.

Nick's shoulders dropped in disappointment and his face searched hers desperately but his place was clear. "Goodnight."

They stood for a few moments willing themselves to speak until Jess finally turned towards her door and Nick his. But as they both pushed the doors open slowly they stopped still. Turning back to each they both wore the same look of confusion on their faces. As Jess' eyes moved from her empty bed to settle on the surprise on Nick's face she started to to fit the puzzle pieces together.

"Is Cece in there?" She whispered loudly, gesturing towards the door of Nick and Schmidt's room which he had now closed over again.

"Um...kinda yeah."

"Are they...?"

"No they're just sleeping...I think. I hope."

"Well that's interesting." Jess muttered to herself, realising her and Cece were going to have a lot to talk about in the morning. A lot.

Nick nodded, now more preoccupied with the fact that he had nowhere to sleep and he couldn't face the wrath of Schmidt the following day if he woke Cece and asked her to move. "I'll um...I'll just go down..." Nick stuttered as he started to move back towards the stairs. Suddenly Jess took an urgent step toward him and allowing no time for her heart and her head to consult one another, words tumbled out of her mouth unexpectedly.

"Nick wait, you don't have to...I mean you can stay in my room."

"Is that a good idea?" He questioned.

"Probably not." She mused but held the door open for him anyway.

Without questioning her further he walked towards her and into her room.

* * *

><p>Jess closed the door softly and came to stand next to him in the middle of her room. They both stared hard at the bed and recounted a time when it had all meant something very different. Nick cleared his throat nervously and stepped away from her.<p>

"I'll take the floor."

"You sure?"

"Yeah it's fine. I can sleep anywhere so..."

"Ok well I'm gonna go change." She grabbed for her pyjamas and headed out to the bathroom, leaving Nick alone to set up a makeshift bed on the floor. He pulled a blanket from the end of her bed and one of her pillows, setting them down on the floor. He quickly removed his pants and shirt, leaving himself clad only in a t-shirt and boxers and settled down under the blanket with haste before Jess could come back and catch him in his underwear. He was sure they weren't ready for that yet.

He lay down on the floor trying to make sense of the crazy night he was having. He had kissed Jess. He had actually kissed her. It was something he worried he would never get the chance to do ever again and he had done it, and the best part was, she had kissed him back. Now here he was in her room in the middle of the night with no clue what was happening between them or where the rest if the night would go. If it would go anywhere at all. He could smell her scent on the pillow that lay comfortably under his head setting the butterflies in his stomach into overdrive. He just wanted to fix everything between them, and for a moment when he had been kissing her he thought maybe he had achieved that, then he had muddled everything again. But he had felt so much in her kiss, it felt like she was ready again, like they were ready and he couldn't give up on that. He wasn't sure he would ever be able to give up on Jess.

He snapped out of his head when he heard the door open and Jess returned, now dressed in her comfy flannels and wearing her glasses instead of her contacts. She set her clothes down on a chair in the corner and turned to look down at him as she fiddled with the cuffs of her pyjamas nervously.

"You ok down there?"

"Yeah I'm fine."

She nodded gently without taking her eyes off him, wanting so much to lay down there with him and let him hold her in his arms all night the way he used to. When it dawned on her that she was still staring at him she finally shuffled towards the bed and pulled the covers back to slip in. Staring up at the ceiling she tried to process the night's events and control the reaction her body was having to Nick being in such close proximity. She could hear him breathing steadily, if a little shakily, and the simple sound was music to her ears. Yes things were complicated with them but to have him so near to her felt right, everything felt like it was in it's place again. She shifted closer to the edge of the bed so she was just that little bit nearer to him. She wished she hadn't reacted so strongly to his question about her relationship with Ryan, she wished she had just told him the truth and opened up. But once she did, that was it, her heart couldn't be closed again and he would know everything she was feeling. What if they weren't ready for that? She couldn't be certain they were going to get it right second time round, she couldn't be certain of anything. Except her feelings for him. That was one thing that made sense to her now more than it ever had. She was terrified of getting back what they had only to lose it again but that was a risk, it wasn't a certainty. By pushing him away now she would lose him, there was no uncertainty about that.

Her breath caught in her throat at the notion and without thinking for a moment longer she dropped her hand down the side of the bed toward him and after a few moments, to her relief, she felt a warm hand grip hers tightly. He stroked his thumb gently over the back of hand making her squeeze his even harder. In a small, simple gesture they both said so much to each other.

He felt her tug his hand gently and he sat up, allowing his eyes to meet hers. Even in the darkness he could see the emotion shining from them. Letting go of his hand Jess pushed herself up on her elbows and shifted along the bed creating a space next to her. She gently lifted the covers and stared at him with trepidation. Nick rose to his feet and sat on the bed giving her one last questioning look to make sure she was certain. As she settled down into the pillow and waited for him, he tucked his feet under the covers and came down to lay next to her. With slight hesitancy they rolled on their sides to face one another, allowing only their feet to intertwine, but just to touch one another meant everything.

"You're feet are cold." she giggled softly making him smile.

"Sorry."

"It's ok. I don't mind."

* * *

><p>As the next couple of hours past they talked, mostly about silly stuff, and they laughed until they made each other's sides hurt. Somewhere along the line they had both made the conscious decision to set the complexities aside and make each other smile. That's all either of them really wanted. They lay on their backs looking at the glowing stars Jess has stuck on her ceiling when she was fifteen, sharing her headphones, one in each of their ears as they listened to songs that reminded them of their younger years at high school, one or two of them reminding them of their time together leaving them both silent for a few minutes. As the talking and laughter died down and the music stopped they found contentment in just being together. Nick flexed his hand slowly, his fingers searching out hers and lacing through them gently when he found them.<p>

Jess turned to Nick as she felt his soft touch on her hand and she saw his eyes drooping slowly to a close. Turning on her side she released his hand and brought it tenderly up to his face, stroking his cheek softly until his eyes opened to meet hers, this time at close range. As she looked at him all her worries and concerns melted away, she realised that maybe she would rather risk her heart than hold it back from him any longer.

"It was because of you." She whispered.

Nick stared hard into the twinkling blue pools now blackened by the light which lay a mere breath away from him. He felt his heart start to quicken and his stomach churn in the best possible way but he said nothing. He didn't need to, he knew exactly what she meant. Instead his leaned forward and captured her lips with his, softly at first, testing the water as he nipped gently at her mouth. But as she responded the kiss intensified taking them both by surprise.

Wanting and needing more of her he rolled her on her back, covering her body with his as their mouths moved effortlessly and naturally against each other's. Pinning her hand against the pillow passionately, he trailed kisses down her neck, quickly taking them both to the point of no return. Jess didn't fight it, she wanted him to take her there. As he lay kisses across the top of her chest on the small part of skin exposed by the v-shape at the top of her pyjamas she felt her whole body break out into a shiver. She needed more. Freeing her hand from under his she started to unbutton her top. Their eyes locked until she popped the last button undone and she saw his gaze drop to her body, a look of wonder and relief crossing his face as he buried his head between her breasts. She pushed and pulled him to her and she tried to contain the moans threatening to escape her lips and break the silence of the quiet house.

Needing his skin on hers she fumbled inelegantly for the hem of his t-shirt, instantly pulling it up when when she had a firm hold. He broke his attention to her momentarily as he helped her to pull the offending, green material over his head. They knew they should be talking, they knew they should be figuring out their relationship and how they truly felt but they needed each other too much. It had been so long since they had felt each other's touch like this that they couldn't bear to stop.

As the rest of their clothes were soon shed and discarded to the floor, they drank in the sight and feel of one another to the point where it became overwhelming to their senses. The feeling of getting what they wanted and being reunited with something they had missed so much was almost too intense for them both comprehend. In the passionate heat of their union they both stopped and took a moment to simply look at one another, to try and make sure that what they were seeing and feeling was real. As an powerful feeling rose from deep within him, Nick slowed everything down and kissed her tenderly as he pushed into her slowly. She gripped his back strongly, pulling him as close to her as she could and they started to move together like they had never been apart.

They made love for what felt like hours, relearning each other's bodies and waking up half way through the night to do it all over again. He clenched the pillow, gritting his teeth and she gasped into his shoulder, both trying to keep from crying out. There was still much left unsaid but for one night, it was ok. Jess fell asleep on Nick's chest, with his hand threaded in her hair, his lips pressed against her forehead and it was like no time had past between them, like their break up had been nothing but a bad dream that they had just woken up from.

Tomorrow they would talk. Tomorrow.


	7. Chapter 7

As Jess stirred she felt the soft scrape of scruff against her forehead and she couldn't help the grin that spread widely across her face. Images of what they had shared just hours earlier immediately flooded back into her mind making her squeeze her legs together and turn her face into his neck, inhaling deeply. There was nothing like his smell, it was just so manly and raw, it was the most comforting smell in the world to her. She had never told Nick but she had slept in one of his t-shirts for weeks after they broke up, that way she could pretend for just a brief moment that he was still there with her. But she didn't have to pretend anymore and she beamed at the thought as she stroked her palm across his strong chest, inadvertently rousing him from his sleep.

She saw his cheeks rising high on his face, spotting his huge smile before he even turned to face her. As he turned his head heavily and sleepily on the pillow he was instantly met by her waiting lips which pressed softly against his in a kiss more tender and delicate than the bruising, passionate kisses from the night before.

"Hi"

"Hey" His voice was rough and sleepy and still tinged with sex. Nothing could wipe the satisfied smile from his face as he looked at the girl he had back in his arms, smiling up at him without a hint of regret on her face. The arm she was lying on was completely dead but he almost revelled in it as he pressed a kiss against her forehead. He lowered his head to nudge her nose playfully. "Last night was amazing." He whispered, his face suddenly serious and pensive.

"I know... I thought my chances of ever having sex in this bed were long gone."

He let out a laugh that she heard echo deeply in his chest and she squeezed him tighter, giggling along with the infectious sound. He kissed the last chuckle off her lips and rolled them both over, stroking strands of hair from either side of her face as he laid her on her back. As he placed several small kisses on her lips one after the other she could see words spinning round in his head, his eyes telling half the story with his mouth preparing to tell the rest. She smiled to relax him, not that he needed too much relaxing, and he smiled back warmly.

"Look Jess, I want..." Suddenly he stopped and reared his head back from her, his features stiffening as his eyes widened.

"What?"

"Did you hear that?"

"What?" There was a slight edge of panic to Jess' voice.

As Nick heard it again his pushed up from his elbows on to his hands. "I think that's your..."

"Oh my God my Mom!"

As Joan called out gleefully to Jess once again, the increasing volume of her voice and the creak of each stair had Jess almost throwing Nick out of the bed. Nick frantically scoured the floor for his clothes but there just wasn't enough time. Jess lunged for her robe on the back of the door and seeing the shadow of her mother's feet underneath she shoved a naked Nick behind the door seconds before she flung it open to a waiting Joan, her hand still poised in the air to knock.

Nick held his breath and pressed his back hard against the wall using his t-shirt, the only item of clothing he had managed to retrieve, to cover his modesty. Jess held the door firmly in place as she greeted her smiling mother, trying her best to look calm and casual and not like someone who had just had the most passionate night of her life in her childhood bed while her Mom slept across the hallway. Jess was in her thirties and she knew her Mom was no prude but she and Nick hadn't figured out what the hell was going on between them yet, she sure wasn't ready to explain it to anyone else, certainly not while she had no clothes on.

"Morning Mom." Jess gushed over-enthusiastically.

"Good morning, I wasn't sure if you girls would be awake yet but I brought you some coffee." Joan held out the small tray and craned her neck a little trying to spot Cece behind Jess, but she was nowhere to be seen. With her eagle eye Joan couldn't help but notice, what appeared to be naked flesh, through the crack in Jess' door. As she looked back at Jess she bit her bottom lip to hide a knowing smile.

Jess grabbed the tray eagerly trying to usher her Mom away. "Thanks Mom, Cece is just...in the bathroom but I'll make sure she gets this."

"Oh ok, I just wanted to make sure you girls were ok. How did the rehearsal dinner go last night?"

Jess looked behind the door nervously and sighed. "Uh...it was good yeah. I had a lot of fun. Dad look really happy so..."

"Well that's good I'm glad."

"Sorry Mom I don't want to make you feel bad."

"Oh don't be silly honey, I'm happy for your father I really am. I hope he has a wonderful day today. Now come on breakfast is ready, you guys have a big day today you need a good breakfast."

"Ok thanks."

"No problem sweetie...Hi Nick." Joan winked at Jess and turned to head back down the stairs leaving Jess to roll her eyes.

* * *

><p>Jess closed the door over and tried to suppress the cringe that was unravelling in her stomach at being well and truly busted. As she set down the tray of coffee, her mind flashed back to the night before and she wondered if they hadn't been as quiet as they thought, it wouldn't surprise her if a few moans and groans had escaped here and there. She turned to find Nick pulling on his newly located underwear and hooking his t-shirt over his head swiftly. When his face re-emerged from underneath the material she took a step towards him, tentatively resting her hands on his waist and gripping his t-shirt gently.<p>

"So I guess your Mom knows huh?" He smiled with a mildly nervous edge.

"Yeah...does that bother you?"

He raised his hands and held her face softly on either side, gently cupping along her jawline. Nothing could bother him in that moment, it was possible he would never be bothered or annoyed about anything ever again. He shook his head with a lazy smile and pressed his lips against hers. Soon the sound of simultaneous knocking and rattling of the bedroom door handle interrupted them once again. They pulled apart quickly, folding their arms around themselves protectively as Schmidt entered without paying much heed to whether or not he had been granted access.

To their luck, they could tell from the dramatic look of preoccupation on Schmidt's face that the sight of dishevelled bed sheets and empty condom wrappers on the night stand would safely go unnoticed. Still, Jess couldn't help herself as edged backwards towards the side of the bed, reaching behind her to sweep away the wrappers and stuff them in the pocket of her robe as Schmidt demanded a private audience with Nick. Little did Schmidt know that Jess knew exactly what they were going to discuss, truthfully she was glad the spotlight was shining elsewhere, she and Nick still had a lot to talk about and they didn't need any backseat counsellors.

* * *

><p>For days after they had first kissed two years ago they had avoided each other, put distance between them at the dinner table and sat through carefully edited conversations to keep their secret under wraps. So, as they sat across from each other at the breakfast table they found themselves in familiar territory. They glanced at each other but never long enough that it could be classed as gazing, they conversed but only under the guise of group conversation, and given that they had woken up naked together half an hour earlier, touching in any way was strictly off the table.<p>

Nick expertly avoided Joan's eye as she took every opportunity she could to smile at him in a way that was different to the day before, a way that was sure to invite questions from the other people around the table. With Schmidt and Cece of a somewhat similar temperament, Nick was glad that Winston, Coach and Abby could hold the conversation together so effortlessly.

Jess tried hard to keep her head in the conversation and ignore how her Mom nudged her arm knowingly ever time she set a dish down on the table, but she was heavily distracted. She could still feel where he had touched her the night before, where he had fit together with her so perfectly and she could barely remember her own name let alone make sense of the words coming out of Winston's mouth in that moment. She forced a large forkful of pancake into her mouth to disguise her uneven breathing and the moan that was threatening to spill from her lips as she thought of their time together. She had been with other guys who had made her feel good in bed, including Ryan, and yes she would enjoy it in the moment and make sure they were aware of her appreciation but as soon as she left the bed, the sensation left her until then next came around. But not with Nick, the affect he had on her was profound, she had forgotten just how powerful it was. She wanted him more than anything.

As she chanced a look at him, she wanted to jump across the table right there any then and make up for all the time they had missed. Suddenly she pushed her chair back from the table drawing the attention of the other's. She wasn't quite sure of her next action, she hadn't been aware that first one would happen, she just knew she was flustered and needed to make a swift exit before she gave the game away.

"I'm gonna start getting ready I think. I don't want to be late."

"We still have ages." Abby laughed, giving Jess the strange look that her behaviour warranted.

"Yeah well I have to do my hair and you know...it takes time."

Jess made a sharp exit leaving half her breakfast behind her and disappearing up the stairs under Nick's watchful eyes.

"What's with her?" Abby laughed, naturally addressing her question to Nick.

"Uh I don't know. Maybe she's a little nervous about today."

"Really? Cos she seemed fine last night. Then I again I didn't get to talk to her all that much, she seemed...preoccupied." Abby smirked as she stifled the rest of her words with a glug of coffee.

"Yeah Nick, how did it go." Winston whispered loudly in Jess' absence as leaned expectantly toward Nick.

"How did what go?" Nick whined in annoyance, squirming in his seat under the uncomfortable scrutiny of the eyes around him.

"Yeah how did what go?" Abby repeated, also leaning forward in her seat toward Nick, waiting for an answer.

"Nothing." Nick interjected gruffly.

"She shoot you down buddy?" Coach chipped in.

"Come on guys." Cece urged softly as she saw the look of discomfort and confusion on Nick's face.

"Did something happen with Jess last night." Abby rambled eagerly, getting a little impatient that she seemed to be one step behind.

"No!" Nick pushed his chair back and stood up. "Let's just drop this ok guys." Nick moved towards the doorway, briefly turning back to Joan who had remained quiet during the prying questions which he appreciated. "Thanks for breakfast Joan."

Joan nodded and smiled. "You're welcome Nick."

* * *

><p>Nick fixed his tie as he listened to the muffled voices of Cece and Jess behind her bedroom door. He couldn't hear what they were saying but to his relief it was Cece doing most of the talking. Listening to Jess unleash about the mistake she had made would be too much for his heart to handle. She had seemed pretty certain earlier that morning but they had been in their own bubble, maybe other people would advise her against going back to him. He blew a heavy breath out of his mouth as the nerves churned round and round in his belly. He wanted so badly to be the man for Jess, he wanted desperately to be everything she needed, to be what it was she was looking for. It was all within touching distance now, they just needed to get across that line.<p>

Nick was so lost in his own head he barely heard Schmidt come into the room, his heart leaping as he spotted Schmidt's reflection behind him in the mirror.

"Sorry I didn't mean to scare you." Schmidt chuckled as he handed Nick his jacket from the bed.

"No it's fine, I was a million miles away." Nick muttered as he threw his jacket around his shoulders enjoying the fact that for the first time in a long time he was wearing his own brand new suit rather than wearing one of Schmidt's cast-offs.

"Yeah I noticed... So I understand the romance of Nick and Jess lives on." Schmidt prodded, but Nick said nothing, instead he fussed with his cufflinks and stifled a small smile. "I'm sorry I haven't' been around for you to talk to me about it man, I guess I've been a little distracted."

"Yeah I noticed." Nick mirrored Schmidt's words with a smile. "So..."

"What? So nothing."

"Oh come on, there is a reason I had to share Jess room last night."

"Oh ok, let's talk about that shall we." Schmidt teased playfully.

"There's nothing to talk about."

"Oh come on Nick I'm not blind, that room positively reeked of sex this morning. The only reason I kept my mouth shut was to spare Jess' blushes. So are you two back on." Schmidt grinned hopefully, he found the idea if him and Nick making their way back to their former loves extremely comforting. Sure he was a few steps behind Nick and Jess when it came to his relationship with Cece but his best friends reuniting sure gave him hope.

Nick laughed off Schmidt's comment before his face fell serious as the question he had been asking himself over and over was vocalized. Were they back on? Was it official or was it just one night for her?

"I don't know Schmidt. I hope so. I really do."

"I do too man. I know what this means to you." Schmidt smiled in one of his more sincere moments that cropped up every now and again. Schmidt picked his tie up from the bed and opened the door just in time to find Cece sashaying into the hallway in a beautiful long, red dress, her hair hanging in lustrous curls that he wasn't used to seeing on her and it made his breath catch in his throat. Finally closing his mouth after several moments, he turned back to Nick offering him a supportive nod before he held his arm out to Cece to help her down the stairs, which she gladly accepted given the height of her heels.

As Cece moved out of the hallway Nick glanced over into Jess' bedroom to find her in front of the mirror putting on a necklace. Jess had been a little reluctant to be a bridesmaid at first given that her and Ashley had started out on such shaky ground, but eventually she had come round and willingly accepted Ashley's request. For that, Nick was eternally grateful as he took in the sight of her in her dress. It was light pink which brought out the colour in her cheeks and highlighted the brilliance of her eyes. The soft pleats danced around her knees as the delicate material sat lightly against her shoulders. Her hair was swept up in a loose bun with stray strands that hung down in just the right way.

When Nick finally came back to earth, he had made it across the hall and was standing in her doorway. Unable to stay away from her a minute longer he stood behind her catching her eye in the mirror the way he had done a couple of nights ago, only this time he allowed his hands to curl around her waist and his lips to press a gentle kiss at the back of her neck. His lips lingered there until he felt her turn in his arms. He saw her close her eyes as her lips searched for his and found them with ease. Their kiss was soft and gentle as they dragged their lips over one another's slowly trying to draw the moment out for as long as they could. They were so lost in one another they both failed to notice the warm smile from Joan as she peered through the doorway before disappearing downstairs.

As they finally parted Nick's eyes dropped down the full length of the girl in his arms. "You look incredible." He whispered against her lips, which still lingered close to his.

"Thank you. You look pretty handsome yourself." She drawled as she pressed herself harder against him. She looked him up and down with heavy eyes before she finally met his gaze. "Look Nick I..."

"JESS COME ON WE GOTTA GO. CAR'S HERE!" Abby yelled from the bottom of the stairs, oblivious to the moment she was interrupting, as most people had been over the past couple of days.

Jess closed her eyes and dropped her head heavily against Nick's chest is exasperation. Nick chuckled and kissed the top of her head, he was starting to find their luck, or ridiculous lack of it, amusing. He rubbed the tops of her arms up and down affectionately, rousing her from her slump. Once he had finally coaxed her head back up he cupped her face once again and kissed her lightly.

"We'll talk later ok."

"Ok" She exhaled and grabbed his wrists gently as they hung by her face.

"Good luck today."

"Thanks." She grappled for his hands, squeezing them before she made a move for the door.

"And Jess?"

She turned "Yeah."

"I'm proud of you."

* * *

><p>Jess made her way down the stairs, extra careful not to trip in her shoes, and was greeted at the bottom by her Mom.<p>

"Oh sweetie you look beautiful, you both do. How did I get two such beautiful girls." Joan gushed as her eyes gradually moistened, misting up her glasses. Fearful that the show of emotion was about more than just her daughters being wrapped in some nice material with fancy hair, Jess stepped forward grabbing hold of her Mom's hands tightly.

"Are you ok Mom?"

"Honey I'm fine I promise, you know how I get on special occasions. Even if they are some else's." She chuckled with just a hint of sadness that wasn't lost on Jess.

"We're going to spend all day together tomorrow ok. I promise. We'll spend the day watching musicals and eating food that will rot our teeth ok?"

"Jess you're a sweetheart but really I'm ok and um...I think you might have other plans tomorrow if I'm not mistaken."

Jess followed her mother's gaze and looked back up the stairs at Nick who was making his way slowly down, offering her a cheeky wink as he did. She smiled and turned back to her mother who leaned into her closely and whispered. "He loves you Jess. A lot of women spend their whole life waiting for a guy to look at them the way he looks at you."

Jess swallowed hard, the risk of tears ruining her make-up on a day when she would have more photos taken than any other, was too great. She felt a swell of emotion squeeze down her throat and land heavily in her chest as she pondered her mother's words.

"Mind you I can't say I blame him." Joan continued as she held Jess' upper arms, taking in the full view of her beautiful daughter. "Go on, you don't want to be late, you know what your father is like about punctuality."

Jess gathered her Mom in for a hug before Abby grabbed her hand and began to pull her out the door. She took one last look at Nick who stood admiring her in the hallway and mouthed to him discreetly.

"Talk later."

"Yeah." He mouthed back, smiling at her at she disappeared out the door.


	8. Chapter 8

Nick was glad that the day presented him with such a happy occasion. It meant his borderline insane smile didn't look completely out of place, it didn't make anyone back away from him slowly with a nervous laugh. He was glad because he simply couldn't switch it off. He hadn't felt this way in such a long time and it only made sense that it was because of her. He had forgotten just how wonderful it felt to wake up next to her, to hold her in his arms, how it could put a bounce in his step for the rest of the day. And this was Nick Miller we're talking about, that was no mean feat.

As he took his seat out in the warm, picturesque gardens he looked at the other wedding guests around him, regarding their happy faces. He saw row upon row of couples holding hands, laughing, wives fixing their husbands ties and boyfriends carrying their girlfriend's purses. It was life. Life as a couple and he wanted it. He wanted it all and he wanted it with Jess.

All those months ago he had allowed Jess to think that he had no thoughts or plans for their future, he had allowed her to think that because it made things easier somehow. It made it easier for them to believe their problems were a fundamentally unfixable flaw in their relationship, then they wouldn't have to deal with the fact that they were both running scared and they could chalk it all up to having nothing in common. Which is exactly what they had done. Sure, Nick didn't have Jess' vision and the details were fuzzy and interchangeable but the truth was he had dreamed of marrying Jess, hundreds of times. He had imagined the house, the kids and the dog. He and Jess were both heading towards the same destination, they were just using different methods of transport.

They had been at a point where they were fighting, a lot, there was no escaping that and maybe it was true that had made them yearn for the simplicity of their friendship for a little while. But one thing Nick had come to understand was that Jess had been wrong. Loving someone wasn't simple. It was complicated, it was messy and it hurt, and after growing up watching his parents struggle with those same complications he had constantly questioned if it was worth the effort, and truthfully, it never had been. Until Jess. He had tried simple with Kai and it had left him empty, craving something he could never quite put his finger on. He wanted the complexities, the challenges and he wanted all the beautiful, easy stuff that balanced that out. He couldn't change who he was but he could grow for her, he could be the man she needed. Even when those little arguments did creep in he could take the petty quarrels about about buckets of meat if it meant he also got back those moments where he would lay on the sofa resting his head on her belly, with her fingers raking through his hair making him feel safe and loved. A hundred stern looks from those ice blue eyes were worth her saying _'I love you'_ just once. It had taken moments like that being removed from his life that made him realise what they had. They belonged together.

Yes they were different, yes they argued, yes they got under each other's skin but those were the very things that had lit a fire and made them fall in love with each other. They weren't reasons for them not to be together. That was absurd. Nick laughed to himself, shaking his head at the thought drawing the attention of Winston who was sitting next to him surveying the number of ladies taking their seats.

"You ok Nick?" Winston asked quizzically a Nick's sudden burst of laughter.

"Yeah I'm good." He smiled.

"I'll say. You look like the cat who got the cream."

"Shut up." Nick laughed without putting up much of an argument.

As the sound of violins started to play Winston nodded his head toward the aisle to direct Nick's attention. Nick turned as Abby started to make her way down the aisle followed closely behind by Jess.

He was transfixed. Oblivious to everything else around him. As she walked by he saw her eyes searching the crowd and the look of happiness on her face as she found him. She smiled at him in a way he hadn't seen for so long. It wasn't a smile reserved for friends, he had learned that the painful way over the last few months. It was the smile she had given him in bed that morning, it was the smile he saw the moment they had decided to give them a shot, the smile she gave when she told him she loved him for the first time. To see it on her face again was pure bliss.

* * *

><p>Nick sat at his table with the other guys, clutching his champagne as he waited patiently for Jess during the ceremony, then the photos, followed by the dinner when all he could do was catch her eyes across the room and now during the speeches which seemed to be taking a lifetime to end. Jess made the most beautiful bridesmaid in the world and she had played the part beautifully but Nick couldn't wait much longer for her bridal duties to be over. He had barely spoken a word to her all day and it was starting to make him edgy. He didn't want either of them to have too much time to over-think what had happened between them and lose their nerve. The very thought brought that familiar, fearful ache to his chest, but soon a smile from across the room soothed him. As words of love and devotion sounded from Jess' father and resonated around the room, her eyes had instinctively found him.<p>

He felt his face melt into a wide smile as his eyes refused to leave her. As the candlelight from the table lit her face he shook his head almost imperceptibly as he struggled to believe someone so beautiful could ever have loved him. As Bob rounded off his speech the room raised their glasses to the happy couple but Nick and Jess did it only to one another. Whether it was just acknowledgement of their night together or something more, something that symbolised the next chapter of their relationship he couldn't tell, but he wanted to find out.

Shortly after, he watched Jess take to the dance floor arm in arm with one of the usher's. Nick suppressed the tiny niggle of jealously that threatened to worm its way into his head and decided just to be thankful it wasn't Ashley's brother. As Nick saw the wide, flirtatious smile on the usher's face he knew he couldn't exactly blame him, Nick had become accustomed to guys looking at Jess that way and to be honest it had always filled him with a sense of pride. The fact that Jess remained completely oblivious to the way she was looked at made it all the more endearing to him. He knew part of Jess would always see herself as the awkward, quirky girl who wasn't so popular in highschool. She had no idea how amazing she was.

Jess swayed back and forth in time with the music, her hands loosely grasping the man in front of her whom she had said little more than a few sentences to all day. He was nice and very handsome but she was glad when her Dad decided to cut in, removing the awkwardness of polite conversation and overstretched stares. Her Dad held her hand firmly and protectively as they moved, his contented grin growing wider and wider by the second. Jess couldn't help but mirror his contagious smile.

"You look really happy Dad."

"I am sweetie. It makes me even happier that you and your sister are here today."

"I wouldn't be anywhere else, you know that. I really hope you and Ashley have a great life together."

"Thank you, I'm proud of you honey."

They exchanged a look that finally closed the chapter on all the dramas and tension there had been since Bob announced his engagement. It hadn't been the smoothest road for either of them, but as they danced they felt it all drift away and they were both truly happy to be right there in that moment as he started his new life which Jess would continue to as big a part of as she ever was.

"You know I don't think we've dance together since my 11th birthday party." Jess giggled at the memory of her standing on her Dad's feet as he waltzed with her around the living room.

"It's nice. I couldn't keep up with your sister's moves, this is more my pace." Bob smiled and hugged Jess just a little bit closer, pressing his face to the side of hers, glancing over her shoulder to see all the wedding guests watching them affectionately. One in particular. "You know, Jess honey...I think there is someone who might want to dance with you just a little bit more."

Jess turned around to find Nick in the crowd of faces that surrounded them. Her father squeezed her hands and released them gently to hang back by her sides, waiting for someone else to take hold of them. He smiled at Nick, a smile that spoke a thousand words and nodded his head just once. Nick accepted the silent permission from Bob and slowly made his way toward Jess. Nick didn't dance, he didn't have an once of rhythm in his body but here he was. For a few moments they stood in front of one another, waiting for someone to make a move, smiling anxiously. Nick finally reached out to find her hand, his fingers interlocking gently through hers. Clearing his throat his rested his other hand on her hip, willing his limbs to move the way they were supposed to.

Jess found his reticence endearing and she wound her hand around his shoulder, relaxing him instantly. She began to sway them both slowly and he followed her willingly, his fingers gripping more firmly on to her waist. Soon Nick stopped thinking about the way his body was moving and became hypnotised by the way hers moved instead. As the music lulled their limbs into a kind of wonderful atrophy, their bodies drifted closer and closer together. She smoothed her hand all the way around his strong shoulders as his trailed gently around her lower back, pulling her against him. The hands that hung distantly in the air unlocked, hers curling around his neck while his settled on her waist. As their faces pressed gently together, she could feel the beginnings of new scruff against her cheek and the scent emanating from his neck made her eyes close momentarily. Her soft hair tickled his face as they danced closer and he dared to bow his head just a little until his lips lingered dangerously close to the soft skin of her shoulder. As his bottom lips caught her skin just slightly he felt her break out in goose pimples and heard a quiet but sharp intake of breath in his ear. He raised his head slowly, his lips never far from her face as they moved around to meet hers. They hovered for just a moment as their eyes met one another's but they soon gave in and pressed their lips together softly as they continued to sway with the music.

As the kiss began to intensify Jess pulled back and quickly surveyed the room remembering where she was. She caught the eyes of her surprised friends briefly but there was no time to deal with those particular repercussions of their amorous encounter. Not now anyway, she only had one focus. She ran her hand down Nick's arm, locking her fingers through his and pulled him through the crowd toward the door.

* * *

><p>The door closed behind them and the sound of voices and laughter gradually died down until they both found themselves alone and in silence for the first time since they had woken up together that morning. Jess let go of Nick's hand and turned to face him, his face showing the same mix of desire and apprehension as hers. This was it, this was what they had been delaying, this was the conversation they had danced around for hours, days, months. Jess saw Nick's shoulders rise and fall heavily as he blew out a deep breath and took a step toward her, opening his mouth to speak.<p>

"Jess I..."

"Wait!" Jess interrupted, holding up her hand to stop whatever it was he was going to say. She had to get it all out, she couldn't wait a second longer and she had to say it all before he said something to make her lose her nerve or cast any doubt over what was happening between them. She ignored his wide eyes the way his body went rigid at her interruption and took a step toward him, shaking her hands nervously in front of her. "I have to get this out Nick. I have to tell you."

He exhaled the breath he was holding and nodded his head, urging her to continue but all he heard was her heavy, anxious breathing as she fiddled nervously with her dress. He waited a little longer but still no words came. Taking a step closer he grabbed for her hands to comfort her but she pulled them away swiftly.

"I love you Nick." He stopped dead. "I never stopped loving you and last night meant everything to me. I mean _everything_. I've wanted it for so long, wanted you for so long and when you kissed me everything just felt right again and I've been so happy ever since that I can even..."

"Jess me too, I...". Nick managed to gasp out a few words but she cut him off again. She stepped away from him and rejected the hand that was outstretched toward her.

"But I'm scared." A thick silence descended over them. "I love you so much but I'm terrified to become _'us'_ again because I'm scared that we'll fail and I'll lose you. I'm scared that maybe nothing has changed and we're just setting ourselves up for heartache all over again. Losing you was the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with and I can't do it again Nick. I can't. But the thought of not being with you, the thought of ever loving someone else the way I love you is impossible to me. I tried. Lord knows I tried and I couldn't do it. You understand me, you make me feel good and you make me feel safe. You make me laugh and you make me mad but even why you make me mad I still can't imagine being with anyone but you. That scares me. The idea of us not making it work terrifies me because when I think of my future and I try to imagine the person I'm sharing it with, all I see is you." Jess let out the breath she had been holding and swallowed hard to keep any tears from falling as Nick's wide eyes burned into her.

Moments of silence passed as Nick tried to make sense of the rush of words that had flowed uncontrollably from Jess' mouth. Everything she had been feeling, everything he had needed to hear had been laid before him.

"You don't think I'm scared Jess?" His voice was controlled and quiet, a stark contrast to hers. "For months and months after we broke up I lay awake at night terrified that you would walk out the door, terrified that that it would all get too much for you and I would never see you again. Not having you in my life is my single biggest fear Jess. Forget alien horses Jess, that's it."

She let out a laugh which betrayed the fear in her eyes and he grabbed for both of her hands in that tender moment. "We won't fail Jess."

"How do you know?" She sniffed as a tear dropped down her cheek. "We broke up because we couldn't agree on our future, what if nothing has changed?"

"We broke up because we weren't ready for it all Jess. I mean, just one conversation about our future completely freaked us both out. We're ready now. I can feel it. We ended it during an argument over a life that we don't even have yet. Look, I might not know where we're going to have our wedding or where our kids are going to go to school but I know there _will_ be a wedding and kids. I know that we'll make that happen, not because we planned it so but because we love each other and we want it. _I_ want it and I want to give it all to you if you'll have me. I want to be what you need, I want to be the guy who makes you happy Jess. We just need to take this slow. We need to go back to what made us fall in love with each other to begin with and we can build on that. We can build a life together. It doesn't need to be your way and it doesn't need to be mine, it needs to be ours. What we have isn't simple love, it's real love...I want a life with you Jess. I want it so badly."

She let go of his hands and wrapped her arms tightly and intensely around his shoulders until their faces were millimetres apart. "I do too." She gasped through an emotionally charged breath. "So much."

They kissed hard, pouring their feelings into one another as the weight of their fears slowly started to lift off their shoulders where it had sat obtrusively for so long.

"So what do we do now. I mean where to we start?" He whispered as he kissed her.

"I don't know, but you're right we need to take it slow."

As they separated completely Nick nodded. "Yeah, you know, we just keep it simple. I mean that's a little trickier for us because we live together." He laughed. "But we can figure it out." He moved to kiss her again but she pulled away from him.

"Maybe that's it."

"What?"

"Us living together, maybe that was the problem."

"No, come on Jess."

"No hear me out! By the time we went on our first date or even kissed we were already living together. That's something that couples build towards, they do it when the time feels right but we...we fell into it so then we immediately felt this pressure to move on to the next step, and what is the next step Nick? Getting engaged, buying a house, getting married... we weren't ready for that. So what did we do? We broke up."

"So what are you saying?"

"Maybe it's something we should consider...you know. Living apart. Taking the pressure off."

"Wait, I don't want to lose you Jess." He pulled her closer to him as concern gripped hold of him.

"That's just it. This is not about us losing each other, this is about doing what we need to do to make sure we keep each other. I will do whatever it takes to keep you Nick. It's just like you said, we need to take it slow. Let's date, you can stay with me, I can stay with you, we can have a night off when we need to and then when the time is right we can try living together again. This time we'll be sure and we'll be ready for that next step."

Jess looked as his eyes darted round her face, the panic starting to lessen as she saw him make sense of what she was saying.

"I guess we would still spend the night with each other a lot." He muttered as he added all the puzzle pieces together in his head.

"All the time." She reassured him.

"And it wouldn't be forever, I mean eventually we would...you know."

She grabbed the collar of his jacket pulling him toward her. "Exactly."

"So we're doing this." He grinned.

Jess nodded excitedly as her wide, toothy smile matched his. "We're doing this."

Jess jumped into his arms throwing herself around him with no intention of ever letting him go. He squeezed her tight, his hand clutching to her hair and her waist, gripping for dear life to the most precious thing in the world to him. She bobbed up and down on her feet excitedly making him laugh out loud.

"Whoa, whoa what's going on, what's all the excitement about?" Winston called out to them from a few feet away.

Nick and Jess turned, still clinging on to one another to see Winston, Coach, Schmidt and Cece all standing behind them, smiling expectantly. Still riding high on cloud nine Nick could help the words tumbling out of his mouth, paying little regard to tact in his excitement.

"Jess is moving out." He smiled.

The guys took a panicked step towards them, their faces now serious and wrought with concern as their mouths all fell open in shock.

"What?! What the hell?" They all barked in various forms. "Why on earth are you smiling Nicholas." Schmidt bellowed sternly.

"No, no, no it's a good thing." Jess appealed to them.

"How is this a good thing?" Winston moaned, bemused by his friend's apparent elated attitude to the revelation.

Jess looked back at Nick who gazed down at their hands, threading his fingers tightly through hers. "Nick and I are back together." Jess grinned.

"I don't get it." Coach questioned, with one raised eyebrow.

"Jess and I are making another go of this but we need to start slowly, no pressure this time."

"That's great..." Winston tried to force a smile. "But does that really mean you have to move out Jess?"

"We're really serious about making this work guys." Jess urged.

"Yeah and we're going to do whatever it takes. Come on guys, I know this is big but we're really happy." Nick continued.

The all stood in silence with sullen faces, like they had just had their favourite toy taken away from them. They all wanted Nick and Jess back together, that much was a given but Jess' sudden departure from the loft wasn't something they had anticipated and definitely wasn't something they had prepared for. In spite of any misgivings when she had first walked through the door all those years ago, none of them could imagine life in the loft without Jess now. It would take some serious adjustment. They knew they would still see her but it wouldn't be the same. Nick and Jess could sugar coat it all they wanted it was still the end of an era and it caused an ache in each of their hearts. She was their room-mate. _Theirs_.

Except she wasn't theirs, she was Nick's. Not in the sexist, anti-feminist, possessive way that Jess would find repugnant but rather in terms of where her heart was, where her priorities lay. It had been that way ever since the day Nick had nervously told them he had stupidly and thoughtlessly kissed their room-mate in the hallway after an eventful game of True American two years ago. That had changed everything.

At first they had thought it would change everything for the worse, that Nick and Jess would have their fun before it all went up in a puff of smoke leaving them with nothing but an alcoholic, unwashed Nick to deal with and another Craig's List advert to write, but they had been wrong. It hadn't been for the worse, quite the opposite. In all their years of knowing Nick they had never seen him happy, truly happy, then along came Jess. The truth was, at times, they had all been envious of Nick and Jess' relationship. Yes they fought, but they made each other laugh, they were always there, they got each other like nobody else ever could and for two people as unique and awkward as Nick and Jess that wasn't something easy to find. It seems that for all their searching Nick and Jess had finally realised that.

They all looked at the smiling faces of their newly reunited friends and after a moment of acceptance and a sharp jab in the ribs from Cece, they welcomed them and the news with open arms. There were hugs and handshakes all round until Jess and Nick's lips found their way back to each other amidst the chaos making the boys back off swiftly with a grimace.

"Alright, alright, you're back together we get it." Coach whined, shielding his eyes.

"Sorry" Nick laughed insincerely as he rested his hands on Jess' waist pulling her back firmly against his torso.

"So Jess when is this all happening, when are you leaving?" Winston inquired with a mild look of disappointment still apparent on his face.

"I don't know we haven't talked about it. I guess I'll start looking when we get back to the loft."

"Where will you look?" Schmidt asked innocently.

Jess shrugged before her eyes settled on a smirking Cece.


End file.
